I've been on a sort of self-imposed hibernation. We've had some temporary changes here. Since my last post, KingBee has been working out of state during the week and coming home to us on the weekends. It is amazing to me how drastic a difference in household dynamics can come from such a change.
I have purposely been trying to focus on this, instead of rushing around busying myself. I've been giving myself over to a lifestyle that feels natural for the three of us. It's been an experiment of sorts, for us to note the differences during the week.
We've realized that we miss his humor and conversation at dinner. After the third night of staring at each other, we decided that it would be best to watch movies while we ate. This was hard for me, as I have always made the family dinner table a sacred time. But, the reality is that the three of us are together and talking all day long, and are frankly talked out! So during the week, it will be "dinner and a movie" for us.
At the same time, it has made the weekends all the more special. Lots of meal planning and baking take center stage on Thursdays, as does a group effort to pick up and clean. There is time for sharing the week's work and catching up. Even something as simple as walking the dogs together takes on a new energy.
I have made one discovery that is quite startling.
We are enjoying a freedom from time constaints. We are delving deeper into projects and school work, taking breaks in the middle of the day to walk the dogs or grocery shop. There is no longer a time table of doing algebra before 4pm, nor a rush to stop research because it is time to start cooking.
We are playing a ton of board games. We're doing lots of painting, and leaving our creations to dry all over the tables (since we are eating in the living room!) . We're reading lots of fiction and snacking on popcorn with quiet music in the background. Bedtimes have become whenever we get tired. It's been lovely!
I had never really realized how much of our days were centered on his schedule. I'm always rising early to get his coffee and lunch ready, then making sure that all schooling was completed and dinner was ready early in the evenings when he arrives home. The odd thing is that he has often asked me why I didn't just set the coffee timer and make lunch the night before, and I oddly resisted, feeling that I needed to wake extra early to get everything accomplished.
So why did I feel the need to cram so much into the day? I mean, my DH is not the demanding sort. Only rarely will he call in the late afternoon to see if we can eat as soon as he gets home, as he had to work through the lunch hour and was starving. Many time he will come home and if I hadn't gotten things done, will change out of work clothes and just start cooking with me.
The only answer I can find is that when the KingBee comes home, he immediately brings the noise of the dreaded television from the minute he walks in the door until he goes to sleep. I knew that it irritated me because it was so different from how I was raised. In my home, we turned it on for one or two shows a week, and maybe on rainy Saturday afternoon matinees of Danny Kaye and Jerry Lewis movies. The rest of the time we enjoyed the silence, or opened the windows and listened to the sounds of nature.
I had no idea how deeply it effected me, or how anxious it makes me. At the same time though, I also respect that this is how he relaxes. He hates silence as much as I embrace it. He likes to just let the images take his thoughts away from the stress and worries of his week past and week ahead.
We've tried making compensations in the past. I have tried to sit and spend time with him during the evenings. I actually took up crochet and knitting are part of it, as it is so difficult for me to sit still doing nothing. He has learned to watch and even enjoy shows that I can sit through...such a Discovery and History channel fare. I even like a few shows like Lost and Heroes, and I love football. But we really need to find better ways to deal with these differences.
This weekend, when we were halfway through a Saturday noise marathon, I got out a set of earplugs so that I could do some research on the computer. HOly cow! While not as nice as listening to the birds, I was able to concentrate and be productive.
I asked BuzzBoy and Scout about this realization, and got two different suggestions. Buzz, who also loves constant noise, suggested that I start doing more of my errands in the evening, so that I give myself a break from the noise, and also gift myself with more of the daytime quiet. This is a fine point, and one that I am going to take.
HoneyGirl encouraged me to keep striving to create a quite place in the basement and focus on my hobbies at night when the television noise gets to be too much. As such, we are going to work extra hard at getting the basement areas rearranged by the middle of March, when KingBee will be back living iwth us during the week.
How do you all handle such differences?