HoneyGirl spent another afternoon trudging away at her "damned" paper (yes, I am letting her refer to it in jus that way, poor dear!), but with an attitude of anticipation. The boys were heading off to Philadelphia to see a hockey game, and we knew we had the house to ourselves. And we had exactly the same plan: chick flicks!
We have been saving Julie/Julia for such an occasion. Reagan has recently begun to identify to actual actors/actresses in films that are over the age of 20. Meryl Streep is one of her new favs, although I am not certain Streep would be thrilled to know that she is referred to as "that clever , older lady who can play any part." Actually, she might just get a kick out of that!
We have both fallen in love with Julia Child. What a dynamic and fun woman she was! Her story was quite amazing, really, when one realizes that she only learned to cook at 37-years young. How encouraging to all of us who have yet to find/ embrace our true passions in careers?
Honey was however, quite annoyed with Julie Powell's character. Her self-centeredness and whiny weakness seemed in such stark contrast to Julia's overflowing confidence. Her obsession was just at the borderline between sane and looney. And her husband was, much to his disagreement, a saint to go along with the project. I can't even get mine to eat orange vegetables, let alone a year of french cuisine!
Of course, I saw this as a perfect teachable moment. Wasn't that contrast the crux of the story? Julie's weakness was exactly why Julia became such a focus for her, and a catalyst for change and self-evaluation. Her frustration and tantrums didn't negate the amazing commitment and perserverence she showed by actually meeting the year-long challenge.
I also reminded Honey that this was Hollywood. We went online and found some of the actual blog posts from the Julie/Julia project, and I came away with a much different feel. Powell was witty, and honest, and swore unabashedly. And I know that I would have , had I known it at the time, been a devoted reader.
Honey did as Honey does, took it all in to ponder. I am sure she will be sharing some wonderful insight in the coming days. We both decided that we need to add "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" to our shelf and try a few of the recipes ourselves when we do cooking next year. I can imagine us having a blast deboning a duck.
I received a lot more from the movie than a few hours of entertainments and a craving for french onion soup. What I got most from both women was a true reminder of the importance of authenticity.
I have been recently overwhelmed with issues surrounding this in attempting to write this book about homeschooling. I will let myself tell a story of our lives that illustrates a key concept, yet I hesitate and second guess when I proof read. HOw will I be pereceived by my reader?
Am I comfortable sharing those moments when I was a raging three-headed dragon and swore at my lolly-gagging kids? Will anyone believe those truly amazing moments of affirmation that came from my then 13-year old's mouth? Will my perceptions in applying psychological models to homeschooling types be embraced and pondered, or just fodder for criticism from my peers?
Will anyone at all get anything of value out of this endeavor, or will I just be pereceived as another homeschooling blow hard, albeit one who is more likely to swear like a sailor when frustrated than pray a rosary?
Authenticity reminds me that I just can't be worried about all of that. I need to remember that I have morphed into a fire-breathing dragon at times. I've been vulnerable, fun-loving, strong, tender, inspired, and demanding in turn. And lest I forget opinionated.
But that is authentic. That is the real me. And authentic is the only way I can even consider facing this project. I'm in my forties, and I just have to be comfortable with the fact that even if those who take a look into the inside of my home and disagree with my thoughts or methods, I cannot let them ever question my truth.
Thank you Julie and Julia!
Friday, January 29, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Rising to Challenges
We are at the beginning of what we like to call a "challenge week" in our homeschool hive. HoneyGirl has two major assignments due at co-op next Tuesday: a 15 pg research report and an instructional speech for her public speaking class. Both fall into the challenging department as dyslexia makes the first process more time consuming, and a nervous personality makes the second daunting.
She's been working on her paper, "Art in Ancient China" for three weeks, doing research, outline, and a progressive bibliography. Last week, she began writing using her note cards and a timeline of the Chinese dynasties. Unfortunately, neither of us thought how her tracking issues would later affect her ability to find the points in which to insert additional data. She's been labouring in three hour stints, until her dyslexia headaches become so bad that she needs to lie down.
My mothering instincts are conflicting with her need to create her own success. It would be very easy for me to sit down and just let her narrate ideas, and we could be finished in an hour. I could tell her she didn't need to worry about a single other thing. But she is deeply committed to academic independence. She will work as long as she can until the headaches begin, and will allow me to find the spot she lists in the paper online, then she will sit to insert more data. In and out of the chair I go, keenly aware of her struggle and pride.
She will be putting in extra hours for the next five days, for once the paper is done she will begin preparing the speech. She did agree to the sense of doing the speech on the same topic, as it lessons her time researching. She still has algebra, German to do daily as well, though she wisely worked ahead in science and journalism to have a break this week. We have already planned a vacation day on Wednesday, to spend as she pleases!
My heart aches at the seeming unfairness of it. She is so focused and works so much harder than many of her peers. Yet the product, while solid, does not show such extra-ordinary effort. It is frustrating for her to listen to classmates discuss doing projects the night before, when she has had to budget and allot hours to the same task. While she understands that dyslexia causes her to learn/process differently, the knowing does not remove the frustration.
We have decided, finally, to begin the process to seek out a dyslexia specialist. When she was younger, our district mandates were strict and time consuming and would have inhibited our homeschooling lifestyle greatly. It was much simpler for me to learn the techniques and tutor her at home. We have had amazing success, but now that we have reached the secondary level we know there are areas where she can't compensate enough.
She needs untimed tests. She cannot take lecture notes quickly enough. She has tracking issues that make reading online a challenge. She needs the option to type essay tests, as her handwriting, while much neater, is laboriously slow. She is reading and comprehending at the high school level, but again, more slowly than her peers.
A formal diagnosis, however, will open her up for additional services to address her dyslexia in all these areas. I've spoken to a few college professors who have shared that her needs are really minimal accomodations these days, and they would love to have more students with her tenacity and willingness to learn. She is already ahead of the game as her disability has forced her to develop great time-management and planning skills.
Does anyone else have any experience with this? I have learned enough to go OUTside what the school offers and seek a private analysis. Any advice would be helpful....
She's been working on her paper, "Art in Ancient China" for three weeks, doing research, outline, and a progressive bibliography. Last week, she began writing using her note cards and a timeline of the Chinese dynasties. Unfortunately, neither of us thought how her tracking issues would later affect her ability to find the points in which to insert additional data. She's been labouring in three hour stints, until her dyslexia headaches become so bad that she needs to lie down.
My mothering instincts are conflicting with her need to create her own success. It would be very easy for me to sit down and just let her narrate ideas, and we could be finished in an hour. I could tell her she didn't need to worry about a single other thing. But she is deeply committed to academic independence. She will work as long as she can until the headaches begin, and will allow me to find the spot she lists in the paper online, then she will sit to insert more data. In and out of the chair I go, keenly aware of her struggle and pride.
She will be putting in extra hours for the next five days, for once the paper is done she will begin preparing the speech. She did agree to the sense of doing the speech on the same topic, as it lessons her time researching. She still has algebra, German to do daily as well, though she wisely worked ahead in science and journalism to have a break this week. We have already planned a vacation day on Wednesday, to spend as she pleases!
My heart aches at the seeming unfairness of it. She is so focused and works so much harder than many of her peers. Yet the product, while solid, does not show such extra-ordinary effort. It is frustrating for her to listen to classmates discuss doing projects the night before, when she has had to budget and allot hours to the same task. While she understands that dyslexia causes her to learn/process differently, the knowing does not remove the frustration.
We have decided, finally, to begin the process to seek out a dyslexia specialist. When she was younger, our district mandates were strict and time consuming and would have inhibited our homeschooling lifestyle greatly. It was much simpler for me to learn the techniques and tutor her at home. We have had amazing success, but now that we have reached the secondary level we know there are areas where she can't compensate enough.
She needs untimed tests. She cannot take lecture notes quickly enough. She has tracking issues that make reading online a challenge. She needs the option to type essay tests, as her handwriting, while much neater, is laboriously slow. She is reading and comprehending at the high school level, but again, more slowly than her peers.
A formal diagnosis, however, will open her up for additional services to address her dyslexia in all these areas. I've spoken to a few college professors who have shared that her needs are really minimal accomodations these days, and they would love to have more students with her tenacity and willingness to learn. She is already ahead of the game as her disability has forced her to develop great time-management and planning skills.
Does anyone else have any experience with this? I have learned enough to go OUTside what the school offers and seek a private analysis. Any advice would be helpful....
Friday, January 22, 2010
Why do I Homeschool? Freedom !
I've been spending a great deal of my early morning free time working on my book about homeschooling. I received an "intested, show us more" letter from a publisher in early January after reading some of my samples. I'm trying to keep things in perspective, knowing that tons of authors probably receive similar letters that produce little other than the few more chapters they write. Even still, it is serving as the swift kick in the butt that I need to finish it!
Life, however, is never neat and tidy. While I am diligently trying to add to the page count, it is the time again for my asst. director and I to secure our teachers for next year's classes. Those classes, are the reflection of parent polling and a developing three-year rotation of classes (to ensure variety for our families). Every year, a few folks need to step back due to lifestyle changes, etc. , so the process to replace them with someone who specializes in whatever field and who is willing to volunteer their teaching requires sending out lots of feelers through the homeschooling community. It's the only time of the year where I've been approaching my monthly usage on my cell phone.
As if that wasn't enough, I have been forced to search out a new site for our co-op. The current site is trying to dole out its' third rate increase, which is equivalent to 17% hike. Obviously they don't realize that dozens of churches have realized what a benefit a group like ours would be, filling an empty building one day a week and writing them hefty checks to fill their coffers. It is a bummer to move, but I see a never-ending pattern of greed here that doesn't respect the concept of a co-op in the least. While finding a new home won't be a problem, it still takes lots of time for visits and negotiations. I have then make decisions with the board, and notify teachers and families of our final decision. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings.
That, however, is only the adminstrative end. I am still teaching three classes, with all the lesson planning and grading that entails. We are preparing for the National Mythology Exam, which has been great fun, but also additional work. Each class is working on research reports, and most of my students have opted to create coordinating displays for our Educational Fairs on February, 19th. (Oh...I chair that as well...:)
All the while, I still need to be a present and available homeschooling mom for HoneyGirl.
I come back then, to the freedom homeschooling offers us. I truly do not have the time to develop or even search out quality lessons in sociology, english or journalism at this time. And her education will not be any worse if we take a month off from those subjects.
Honey has definitely become self-directed in a few subjects, just taking the lead in math and science, as she has curriculums that work well for her via computer. She, too ,is prepping for the myth exam and working on a research report, which requires little from me at this stage. We are still getting together daily for German, as we both know that a month off is not an option with a foreign language.
Surely, I am type-A enough that I could force myself to plan for those three paused subjects. We could spend a spare two hours a day plodding through lessons with little energy or enjoyment. We could get them done, but there would be little quality in the learning.
Instead, we are able to spend that time together snuggling under blankets and watching movies, or reading by the fire, or playing card games. Honey and King Bee have been helping out around the house, and we've all been laughing more than usual, given my added work.
Homeschooling gives me the freedom to remain happy and human.
I'll post when there is time, which might not be for a while! Miss you all!
Life, however, is never neat and tidy. While I am diligently trying to add to the page count, it is the time again for my asst. director and I to secure our teachers for next year's classes. Those classes, are the reflection of parent polling and a developing three-year rotation of classes (to ensure variety for our families). Every year, a few folks need to step back due to lifestyle changes, etc. , so the process to replace them with someone who specializes in whatever field and who is willing to volunteer their teaching requires sending out lots of feelers through the homeschooling community. It's the only time of the year where I've been approaching my monthly usage on my cell phone.
As if that wasn't enough, I have been forced to search out a new site for our co-op. The current site is trying to dole out its' third rate increase, which is equivalent to 17% hike. Obviously they don't realize that dozens of churches have realized what a benefit a group like ours would be, filling an empty building one day a week and writing them hefty checks to fill their coffers. It is a bummer to move, but I see a never-ending pattern of greed here that doesn't respect the concept of a co-op in the least. While finding a new home won't be a problem, it still takes lots of time for visits and negotiations. I have then make decisions with the board, and notify teachers and families of our final decision. Meetings, meetings, and more meetings.
That, however, is only the adminstrative end. I am still teaching three classes, with all the lesson planning and grading that entails. We are preparing for the National Mythology Exam, which has been great fun, but also additional work. Each class is working on research reports, and most of my students have opted to create coordinating displays for our Educational Fairs on February, 19th. (Oh...I chair that as well...:)
All the while, I still need to be a present and available homeschooling mom for HoneyGirl.
I come back then, to the freedom homeschooling offers us. I truly do not have the time to develop or even search out quality lessons in sociology, english or journalism at this time. And her education will not be any worse if we take a month off from those subjects.
Honey has definitely become self-directed in a few subjects, just taking the lead in math and science, as she has curriculums that work well for her via computer. She, too ,is prepping for the myth exam and working on a research report, which requires little from me at this stage. We are still getting together daily for German, as we both know that a month off is not an option with a foreign language.
Surely, I am type-A enough that I could force myself to plan for those three paused subjects. We could spend a spare two hours a day plodding through lessons with little energy or enjoyment. We could get them done, but there would be little quality in the learning.
Instead, we are able to spend that time together snuggling under blankets and watching movies, or reading by the fire, or playing card games. Honey and King Bee have been helping out around the house, and we've all been laughing more than usual, given my added work.
Homeschooling gives me the freedom to remain happy and human.
I'll post when there is time, which might not be for a while! Miss you all!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
There Will Be Holes....
A huge concern for many considering homeschooling is that they will leave "holes" in their children's education. It surprises many when I heartily agree. Advice seekers often panic when I do so, and start to rethink their ability to meet the task. I always ask them to think back on their own education, and remind them how little they can recall. That's when every one takes a deep breath and smiles.
The truth is there will always be holes, whether your schooling be the most expensive private academy or the public school around the corner. Homeschoolers might miss concepts more easily, depending on their style, surely. But even the most diligent and organized planners (me) will be humbled when the next hole appears in the front lawn of their child's education .
Take, for instance, a recent conversation with Honey Girl. She was discussing her future, stating when she is older, she has a strong desire to have only one natural child. She wants to adopt any other children, "from a third world country, like Toledo."
"Toledo, Ohio?" I queried.
"No, Toledo, Mexico," she answered in a questioning voice.
Time to pull out the map.
As this conversation comes after a few others showing similar confusion, the sink hole has surfaced in our homeschool. It is quite apparent that she has maintained nothing from the United States geography we did in 4th grade. For whatever reason, she didn't connect to the material at that time. She loves world geography and has a fairly good working knowledge through self-designed course she did last year after an introductory course she took at co-op the year before. But still, there is this hole about her own country.
This hole doesn't concern me, because we've faced lots of them before. Holes are opportunities in our home. After some good-natured ribbing, Honey asked me to get her some materials or even a workbook so she can teach herself. I had a few things on hand, and she picked an elementary level workbook and a notebooking source, and wishes to combine them.
I am sure a few wondered why I would let my freshmen use an elementary source. I find that when letting my kids fill their own holes, the best option is to let them choose the material. Her level of knowledge on the subject is at that level. Her goal is to use the workbook for a jump start to help her organize her study (it divides the regions nicely) and then use the notebooking materials to expand the topic as far as she wishes.
What matters more than the materials she uses is the level of self-motivation. She doesn't like having this hole, now that it is recognized. She is eager to filled herself with information because geography interests her. She requested a large wall map. She mentioned books and travel videos, and hinted at road trips. There is no timetable other than her own desire.
Sometimes, holes are the blessings in disguise!
The truth is there will always be holes, whether your schooling be the most expensive private academy or the public school around the corner. Homeschoolers might miss concepts more easily, depending on their style, surely. But even the most diligent and organized planners (me) will be humbled when the next hole appears in the front lawn of their child's education .
Take, for instance, a recent conversation with Honey Girl. She was discussing her future, stating when she is older, she has a strong desire to have only one natural child. She wants to adopt any other children, "from a third world country, like Toledo."
"Toledo, Ohio?" I queried.
"No, Toledo, Mexico," she answered in a questioning voice.
Time to pull out the map.
As this conversation comes after a few others showing similar confusion, the sink hole has surfaced in our homeschool. It is quite apparent that she has maintained nothing from the United States geography we did in 4th grade. For whatever reason, she didn't connect to the material at that time. She loves world geography and has a fairly good working knowledge through self-designed course she did last year after an introductory course she took at co-op the year before. But still, there is this hole about her own country.
This hole doesn't concern me, because we've faced lots of them before. Holes are opportunities in our home. After some good-natured ribbing, Honey asked me to get her some materials or even a workbook so she can teach herself. I had a few things on hand, and she picked an elementary level workbook and a notebooking source, and wishes to combine them.
I am sure a few wondered why I would let my freshmen use an elementary source. I find that when letting my kids fill their own holes, the best option is to let them choose the material. Her level of knowledge on the subject is at that level. Her goal is to use the workbook for a jump start to help her organize her study (it divides the regions nicely) and then use the notebooking materials to expand the topic as far as she wishes.
What matters more than the materials she uses is the level of self-motivation. She doesn't like having this hole, now that it is recognized. She is eager to filled herself with information because geography interests her. She requested a large wall map. She mentioned books and travel videos, and hinted at road trips. There is no timetable other than her own desire.
Sometimes, holes are the blessings in disguise!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Much joy this Epiphany
Greetings this new year everyone!
These last two weeks have been both busy and relaxed, if that makes sense. My husband's new company shuts down for two weeks during the holidays, which totally changed the household dynamic for a bit. Buzz's first semester at college ended so he was now home all day as well.
Suddenly we had a full household 24-7, and we really made an effort of work on reconnecting as a family. It has been a challenging semester for us all, with KingBee working out of town most weeks, me working every weekend, Honey's long illness and Buzz's movement toward independence. We weren't really connecting anymore. Anticipating this, I had invested in a stack of new board games and DVDs. There were wrapped and under the tree, with little tags "Open me on Dec 22nd". There were lots of afternoons where we simply lit a fire, opened the new game and played, or popped a big batch of popcorn and watched a DVD.
We celebrated HoneyGirl's success, as despite all the weeks of illness, she managed straight "A"'s in her classes at co-op and at home in her first semester of high school. She was so happy having us all home together, and we all realized how hard it has been on her this year. She is at such a tough age for a young teen, worrying about friends, the future, and of course, her health. Still, she persevered and managed to do so well.
I was also off from work, following surgery, and had planned some really great meals. HoneyGirl and I spent a lot of time in the kitchen, laughing while preparing them. We baked 37 dozen cookies over two days, having realized too late that I had doubled the recipes that I had already rewritten on the recipe cards as double batches last year :) . It worked out fine, as HoneyGirl was then able to gift a lot of cookies to her aunts and uncles at the mandatory holiday Christmas Eve party.
The Christmas Eve party is a story in itself. Have any of you seen "Four Christmases?" It seems my husband has a family right out of the script. We have had a traditional Italian New Year's at one of his family's homes every year. My alcoholic born-again Christian sister in law were hosting it this year, which is always cause for concern. This woman chastises everyone with Scripture after downing a daily fifth of vodka. Lately she has grown more inappropiate, lacking the ability to hold her impulse to grab random men (usually her brothers in law) in the crotch.
Imagine my excitement to head off to this event....yet I do give my husband one obligatory request each year , as he really enjoys seeing his brothers and nephews that live too far away to visit other times. Obviously, I felt the additional need ot protect the menfolk from this creepy old cougar. I was wrong in assumine that she was only after then, for she managed to sneak up behind me and cup both my breasts, and would not let go. Luckily, her daughter managed to pry her off me before I hit her until she was sober. And my DH finally agreed that a better idea would be to have a picnic in spring for all the family he misses, and avoid their house altogether in the future. Unbelievable!
But back to happy family time. Christmas was a happy time. Sure, there were lots of great gifts for everyone. I was surprised by the thoughtfulness of both Honey and King Bee. Honey has reached the age where giving the perfect gift is the focus of the holidays. She had search on her own and found the perfect gift for me: a sterling silver bee necklace. She got KingBee a new Harley hat to replace his sun-damaged favorite. She even found the perfect gift for Buzz, a copy of the "Tao Te Ching", after hearing him mention that he gave a speech on Taoism for a class.
KingBee wisely offered me money to pick myself a new handbag, realizing with so many varieties he had little chance of picking something I'd love. Smart man, and I have a smart new bag that I love. I thought that was it, for it was certainly enough. But, he surprised me with noise cancelling headphones and a purple IPOD nano. He knows how impossible it is for me to write and do lesson plans while he is home and the television is running in the next room. They work like a dream! Best of all, I can now stop getting up so insanely early to have a quiet house.
Yes, he managed to give me back a full night's sleep....PRICELESS!
As such, I was able to get a lot of work done over break to prepare for this semester. The added sleep improved my mood, and I was finally without that tense feeling of struggling to get everything done. I found myself laughing more, and with more energy. I did lots of little projects I had wanted to do like organize the spice cabinet onto stacked shelves and put shelving in the pantry.
King Bee has never really experienced planned down time from work like this. He enjoyed the first two days, but was quickly bored. I had a plan for that, too. A list of repairs that needed to be done around the house. He was actually thrilled, and qhistled as he went on his almost daily trip to Home Depot for materials. As such, we now have a new ceramic tile floor in the mud room, two new front porch lights installed, a new kitchen faucet, a few new curtain rods hung, a few outlets updated and a fully stacked wood pile. If it hadn't gotten so cold, he would have painted to door frames too!
King Bee, HoneyGirl and I had a lot of great times together. Buzz was off doing his thing with his girlfriend, not really interested, but that's okay. I'm just thrilled he called a truce in his wall of separation he's had all year to at least talk with Honey and I again. It was great that he sat with us , talking aobut some of the things he learned in philosphy class and some of his friends.
I didn't talk about the tension here between us this year, because it was expected and not something I really thought would change. It was just one of those phases I knew he needed to go through to declare his independence. Still , it was pretty miserable for rest of us when we couldn't even have the most basic conversations. When a simple "Hey dude, how was your day?" gets a " Will you just get off my back?" response, you stop asking completely .
It was a hard transition for him, to be fully responsible for his work and to learn to manage his time. He's been smart enough to never have to put out real effort consistently, and I could sense he struggled a bit midyear when he got wrapped up in his gaming habit and different new "activities." He's got a new girlfriend who is all the things that are important to him: friendly, pretty, and totally into him. I give him credit that he readily admits she is not very bright , but she has "hidden talents" that balance that out. (my Dh shared this conversation that I inherently knew, but certainly did not want confirmation of ! Oy veh!) I didn't press him for anything other than to be home by 11pm, as he still has a junior license. I knew he had to find his way, and as long as he wasn't trying to bring those new activities home around his sister and I to see, it was best to let him figure it out.
Academically he was seriously stressed for three weeks around finals having to try to catch up and work really hard for the first time ever then worrying if he had screwed up too much in his college algebra class that he might lose his scholarship. In the end, his writing saved him. He had a 103% in English, which compensated for the C- in math, and managed to pull a 3.06 and keep his scholarship. Three of his best friends were not so lucky, and are all on probation. He talked with me just yesterday about the mistakes he felt he made this semester, and thanked me for knowing that community college was the best transition for him. He admitted that if he had total freedom without a driving curfew or our presense, he would have easily failed out completely. He spoke of spending more time with a few kids who pulled straight "A", and joining a study group they are starting for his Honors Statistics class. He knows he came very close to screwing up his future. I'm so pleased. My boy is starting to grow up.
Our family has come back together, and we are all feeling more solid than we have in a long time. I was, however, fully aware that much of my happiness was directly linked to my having the time to be "present" with the family. I have a lot of responsibilities that I enjoy, but my part-time job at the toy store is not one of them. It morphed from a fun, twice a week gig to a 25-30 hour nightmare that kept me from my family every weekend. SO much of my free time during the week then needed to be spent tryign to play catch-up, and I had no real time to just be.
So I gave my two-week notice on MOnday. The utter relief and release from it was amazing, and I am so thrilled. I have gained 20-30 hours to do WHATEVER I WANT! If I want to read, write, hike, sew, or even clean...it is my time. You have no idea how much I am enjoying simple things like trying new and elaborate meals for dinner! Moreoever, being home on the weekends opens up all sorts of social opportunities for Honey, as she can have friends over more often and have transportation to activities on weeknights.
Much, much, much to celebrate this Epiphany!
These last two weeks have been both busy and relaxed, if that makes sense. My husband's new company shuts down for two weeks during the holidays, which totally changed the household dynamic for a bit. Buzz's first semester at college ended so he was now home all day as well.
Suddenly we had a full household 24-7, and we really made an effort of work on reconnecting as a family. It has been a challenging semester for us all, with KingBee working out of town most weeks, me working every weekend, Honey's long illness and Buzz's movement toward independence. We weren't really connecting anymore. Anticipating this, I had invested in a stack of new board games and DVDs. There were wrapped and under the tree, with little tags "Open me on Dec 22nd". There were lots of afternoons where we simply lit a fire, opened the new game and played, or popped a big batch of popcorn and watched a DVD.
We celebrated HoneyGirl's success, as despite all the weeks of illness, she managed straight "A"'s in her classes at co-op and at home in her first semester of high school. She was so happy having us all home together, and we all realized how hard it has been on her this year. She is at such a tough age for a young teen, worrying about friends, the future, and of course, her health. Still, she persevered and managed to do so well.
I was also off from work, following surgery, and had planned some really great meals. HoneyGirl and I spent a lot of time in the kitchen, laughing while preparing them. We baked 37 dozen cookies over two days, having realized too late that I had doubled the recipes that I had already rewritten on the recipe cards as double batches last year :) . It worked out fine, as HoneyGirl was then able to gift a lot of cookies to her aunts and uncles at the mandatory holiday Christmas Eve party.
The Christmas Eve party is a story in itself. Have any of you seen "Four Christmases?" It seems my husband has a family right out of the script. We have had a traditional Italian New Year's at one of his family's homes every year. My alcoholic born-again Christian sister in law were hosting it this year, which is always cause for concern. This woman chastises everyone with Scripture after downing a daily fifth of vodka. Lately she has grown more inappropiate, lacking the ability to hold her impulse to grab random men (usually her brothers in law) in the crotch.
Imagine my excitement to head off to this event....yet I do give my husband one obligatory request each year , as he really enjoys seeing his brothers and nephews that live too far away to visit other times. Obviously, I felt the additional need ot protect the menfolk from this creepy old cougar. I was wrong in assumine that she was only after then, for she managed to sneak up behind me and cup both my breasts, and would not let go. Luckily, her daughter managed to pry her off me before I hit her until she was sober. And my DH finally agreed that a better idea would be to have a picnic in spring for all the family he misses, and avoid their house altogether in the future. Unbelievable!
But back to happy family time. Christmas was a happy time. Sure, there were lots of great gifts for everyone. I was surprised by the thoughtfulness of both Honey and King Bee. Honey has reached the age where giving the perfect gift is the focus of the holidays. She had search on her own and found the perfect gift for me: a sterling silver bee necklace. She got KingBee a new Harley hat to replace his sun-damaged favorite. She even found the perfect gift for Buzz, a copy of the "Tao Te Ching", after hearing him mention that he gave a speech on Taoism for a class.
KingBee wisely offered me money to pick myself a new handbag, realizing with so many varieties he had little chance of picking something I'd love. Smart man, and I have a smart new bag that I love. I thought that was it, for it was certainly enough. But, he surprised me with noise cancelling headphones and a purple IPOD nano. He knows how impossible it is for me to write and do lesson plans while he is home and the television is running in the next room. They work like a dream! Best of all, I can now stop getting up so insanely early to have a quiet house.
Yes, he managed to give me back a full night's sleep....PRICELESS!
As such, I was able to get a lot of work done over break to prepare for this semester. The added sleep improved my mood, and I was finally without that tense feeling of struggling to get everything done. I found myself laughing more, and with more energy. I did lots of little projects I had wanted to do like organize the spice cabinet onto stacked shelves and put shelving in the pantry.
King Bee has never really experienced planned down time from work like this. He enjoyed the first two days, but was quickly bored. I had a plan for that, too. A list of repairs that needed to be done around the house. He was actually thrilled, and qhistled as he went on his almost daily trip to Home Depot for materials. As such, we now have a new ceramic tile floor in the mud room, two new front porch lights installed, a new kitchen faucet, a few new curtain rods hung, a few outlets updated and a fully stacked wood pile. If it hadn't gotten so cold, he would have painted to door frames too!
King Bee, HoneyGirl and I had a lot of great times together. Buzz was off doing his thing with his girlfriend, not really interested, but that's okay. I'm just thrilled he called a truce in his wall of separation he's had all year to at least talk with Honey and I again. It was great that he sat with us , talking aobut some of the things he learned in philosphy class and some of his friends.
I didn't talk about the tension here between us this year, because it was expected and not something I really thought would change. It was just one of those phases I knew he needed to go through to declare his independence. Still , it was pretty miserable for rest of us when we couldn't even have the most basic conversations. When a simple "Hey dude, how was your day?" gets a " Will you just get off my back?" response, you stop asking completely .
It was a hard transition for him, to be fully responsible for his work and to learn to manage his time. He's been smart enough to never have to put out real effort consistently, and I could sense he struggled a bit midyear when he got wrapped up in his gaming habit and different new "activities." He's got a new girlfriend who is all the things that are important to him: friendly, pretty, and totally into him. I give him credit that he readily admits she is not very bright , but she has "hidden talents" that balance that out. (my Dh shared this conversation that I inherently knew, but certainly did not want confirmation of ! Oy veh!) I didn't press him for anything other than to be home by 11pm, as he still has a junior license. I knew he had to find his way, and as long as he wasn't trying to bring those new activities home around his sister and I to see, it was best to let him figure it out.
Academically he was seriously stressed for three weeks around finals having to try to catch up and work really hard for the first time ever then worrying if he had screwed up too much in his college algebra class that he might lose his scholarship. In the end, his writing saved him. He had a 103% in English, which compensated for the C- in math, and managed to pull a 3.06 and keep his scholarship. Three of his best friends were not so lucky, and are all on probation. He talked with me just yesterday about the mistakes he felt he made this semester, and thanked me for knowing that community college was the best transition for him. He admitted that if he had total freedom without a driving curfew or our presense, he would have easily failed out completely. He spoke of spending more time with a few kids who pulled straight "A", and joining a study group they are starting for his Honors Statistics class. He knows he came very close to screwing up his future. I'm so pleased. My boy is starting to grow up.
Our family has come back together, and we are all feeling more solid than we have in a long time. I was, however, fully aware that much of my happiness was directly linked to my having the time to be "present" with the family. I have a lot of responsibilities that I enjoy, but my part-time job at the toy store is not one of them. It morphed from a fun, twice a week gig to a 25-30 hour nightmare that kept me from my family every weekend. SO much of my free time during the week then needed to be spent tryign to play catch-up, and I had no real time to just be.
So I gave my two-week notice on MOnday. The utter relief and release from it was amazing, and I am so thrilled. I have gained 20-30 hours to do WHATEVER I WANT! If I want to read, write, hike, sew, or even clean...it is my time. You have no idea how much I am enjoying simple things like trying new and elaborate meals for dinner! Moreoever, being home on the weekends opens up all sorts of social opportunities for Honey, as she can have friends over more often and have transportation to activities on weeknights.
Much, much, much to celebrate this Epiphany!
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