My Mother's Rememberence Quilt

In my effort to seek joy last week, my best friend and I got together to start making the top for an adorable lap quilt. Over the course of the afternoon, I shared the story of how I had gotten into quilting in the first place. The more I thought on it, the more I wanted to share it.

My mother passed away when I was five-months pregnant with HoneyGirl. I had the emotional task of cleaning out her apartment. In one closet, I found a bag full of fabric, a pattern torn from a quilt magazine with a post-it that said "Quilt for Angela's new home." At the time, I was far too emotional to do anything other than put it all in a tote and put it in my basement.

A few years later, when Buzz had morning kindergarten, I found myself with two hours of quiet every day while HoneyGirl took a nap. I was at a place in my life where I could finally deal with the reality of her death, and as such, took out the tote. I knew nothing of quilting at that time. I laboriously cut every block with scissors. I knew nothing of stripping things together for quicker sewing; I did each block one at a time. The results were often uneven, but in each piece I spent time remembering my mother.

Thanksgiving came, and I packed it all away so we could use the dining room table. The Christmas holidays came and went, and I was still a bit too raw to bring it out to finish. MOnths turned into years, and I got a newer better machine and took a few quilting classes. I thought about taking it out a few times, and saw all the imperfections of my prior work and didn't have the heart to start over. So it sat.

But last week, when I shared the story with my friend who knew my mother well, I realized that the imperfections were exactly how the quilt should be. My mother was equal parts wonderful and disaster, if I am to be honest. How I loved her, and how she loved me. Perfection had nothing to do with our relationship.

I pulled it out again the next day, this time smiling as I worked to finish the backing and binding. Honey came down and listened to stories about my mom while I worked. We both realize that all she will know of her is pictures and these stories, and this quilt is a such a great rememberence. All that is left is to finish quilting through all layers with floss, and Honey is game to help with that work. I can hardly wait for fall, to snuggle under it by the fire.

I'm M.A.D.D.!

Last night as I was leaving work I got the call that no parent ever wants. Buzz had been sitting at a stoplight, and was rear ended by a car that did not stop. He was hit with such force that both air bags deployed and his seat broke off the track. So much so that the ripple effect hit not just the car in front of him, but caused that car to hit the one in front of it as well.

Buzz assured me he was fine, and that no one was hurt in the incident. He was worried, however, that the car was totalled. When I arrived , I confirmed his fears; not only was the trunk in the back seat and the hood crumbled, the entire frame was bent. No matter how much he reassured me, I still had to hug the dickens out of him with relief that he was indeed okay.

The car that hit him, an Audi, was a good thirty-five feet back from the three-car pile up. It seems that after she hit him, she threw it in reverse, hitting another car. She then tried to drive into oncoming traffic to flee.
One look at this 60+ woman, and I knew she was totally drunk.

Luckily the cops were onto that as well. Buzz gave his statement, and we found that after she had caused TWO accidents in mere seconds, she stumbled from her car and walked to his. She bent over and tried to push his tail light back into its' hole and to push his trunk closed. She then handed the other teen (fron the car in front of Buzz) a card with numbers to call for her husband. He obligingly called, and they heard a phone ringing ten yards away. It seems she had forgotten he had been in the car with her. Oh my...

Her car was searched, and they found liquor store bags with empty bottles in the back, and she was arrested and taken to jail for drunk driving, with further charges possible for attempting to flee the scene.

The boys actually had a moment where they felt sorry that she was being taken to jail. I suppose I looked like a pit viper when I replied that I hoped it was the worst experience of her life and she is mortified and humiliated, since she could have killed them. I pray her license it taken, so she can be a lush only at home.

I was grateful and relieved last night. Our boy was fine, thank God. But this morning I am so very angry. My father had been an alcoholic, and I really struggle with baggage from that. I just do not understand the idiocy of drinking and driving. My crowd managed designated drivers all through our twenties without missing any fun.

Honestly, I do not understand the idiocy of drinking to drunkeness in adults. We all have crappy aspects of our lives, stress or sadness. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it. Stop using booze to try to escape your misery; sober up and change your life, period. I am without compassion for this.

I'm even angry about the inconvenience of this, if I want to be petty. I had to call off work today, to force Ty to be checked at the ER (as the police suggested we do after he sleeps on it), handle all the insurance and to go to the salvage yard. This was our extra car, one that was reliable, but unfortunately worth next to nothing in book value. While her insurance will surely cut us a check, we will probably not find something else decent for that amount of money.

This morning, I woke early and had to sneak a peek in his room. I stood there watching the rise and fall of his breath, and tears welled in my eyes.
The unthinkable could have happened just that fast.

Now I understand M.A.D. D. in a way I never have before. You would need to have a place to direct all the anger. I'm ready to go postal now, and my boy is at home safe, sleeping in his bed. It's time to join the local chapter...

Seeking beauty and joy

I have been feeling off kilter for the last month. I'm getting a great deal of work done, yet I am grumpy and listless. While the rain certainly is effecting this, I realized that I have been ignoring my natural rhythms.
I am a creature of habit, and my spring has not been the "season of renewal" that it normal is for me.

We usually take mid-May through the end of June to relax and center ourselves. This year is seemed like a race from one event to another. We even tried a few field trips, but they felt as if they were squeezed between doctor's visits and obligatory duties. You just can't force relaxation!

You begin to get a little philosophical and wonder then, where we are all rushing off to that we miss the beauty and joy that surrounds us? How can we possibly maintain such a pace, when even our "off" time is scheduled so heavily? When does our soul get to breathe?

Enough was enough. I sat down and made a wish list for summer. I want to do something creative and beautiful. I want to enjoy my friends in leisure, instead of situations where work or homeschooling are the focus. I want to read by the pool and on the beach, and not worry about sun damage to my skin. I want to make homemade salsa, play in the garden, and try new recipes. I want to stay up late watching movies and drinking margueritas and playing games.

I stepped back from my calendar, and whited out all the activities that were not necessary and felt obligatory on some level. Instead, I picked up my phone and made some calls and some plans. I asked Honey to make her own list, and we happily had some of the same items. We made a few more calls and more plans. One of the most important lessons I can teach her is that we can seek out and find our own joy.

This week has been quite successful in this quest. On Monday, I had my best friend over for a day of sewing. We had ordered some charm packs and fabric from Moda, and I set up a second sewing machine (borrowed from the co-op) for her. We chatted away all day as we sewed the top of our lap quilts. Honey had listed "sleeping in as long as possible after a night of all-night reading" on her list, which worked perfectly with our plans. We will get together again next week to finish the border and quilt them together. This inspired me to start looking at some other projects. Sewing is very relaxing, and much quicker than other fiber arts.

We zipped up to other friends to enjoy the sunshine by their pool yesterday. These friends are especially dear to us lately, as they just found out they are relocating to Florida at the end of summer. Honey & their daughters have been friends since age 4, and have gotten especially close over the last year. The girls are determined to make lots of memories this summer. Next week: a day trip to the beach together.

Today Honey is to get her wisdom teeth removed, so we have planned a few days of nothing much at all. Maybe some movies, but mostly napping. Ahhh...I feel the renewal coming on already!

Rainy days and science plans on my mind...

It's still raining. It seems as if it has barely stopped since we returned from the deluge in Florida a month ago. No exaggeration...I have only needed to water the veggie garden once in three weeks!

It's getting more than a little old, and we are getting quite antsy around here. To make our indoor time a little more boring, we have stopped Honey from playing Xbox games until her vertigo/dizziness is under control. It seems to be helping a great deal, but of course, it would feel much less like a punishment if we were able to do something fun outside!
Even after a trip to B & N, there is only so much reading and movie watching one wants to do.

So, I wasn't all that suprised when she mentioned a unit study on astronomy. She had just picked up a copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", and has been laughing out loud while reading it. She is getting her wisdom teeth out on Wednesday, so I have a few days to get some things together. I already have some fun creative writing ideas to go along with the book, which I will share later.

I am thrilled to have not just the book but the audio of Bill Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything," which I think will be a great place to start. I am going to use the information found here at ScienceMaTe on space exploration, solar system, stars & beyond for basic information.

For activities, I have two TOPS Science units that have a lot of options: Earth,Moon & Sun and Planets & Stars. There is the great amateur astronomy group right near us with monthly "star parties" and presentations. If we find a night without rain, we may head up to a friend's farm to take advantage of the extreme darkness for some stargazing of our own.

More exciting, is that idea that two of my friends, both homeschooling moms with PhD.s in science fields, invited us to join their little science club. All of us are quite put off with the curriculum options in science for homeschoolers; yet their strong science background gives our group something that I could never do alone.

We are meeting on Tuesday to share resources and pound out some plans. These ladies are amazing in both knowledge and fun at teachers, and we are so thrilled to be able to tag along. There has already been some talk between the kids of behind the scenes planetarium trips and building model rockets .

After astronomy, we will move into units on chemistry, physics, and geology over the course of the year. I don't know how much I can possibly contribute to this gang...but I will try to make up for it with enthusiasm!
I promise to continue to share resouces as we decide on them.

Overwhelming Response!

Warning: this post includes obscene amounts of gushing over our co-op, and a little bit of self-praise. Forgive me...I'm busting with pride!

Remember that only a little more than a year ago a few of my friends and I had this idea to start our own co-op? We had an amazing first year, with great teachers, tireless volunteers and wonderful kids. My asst director and I ended up doing the lion's share of all administrative tasks, but it's works out well. We have an amazing partnership, with each of our strengths complimenting the others lack.

We both see the importance of organization and early planning as well. So,
we made sure we had our catalog and schedule out in late April. We began taking registrations from returning families who wanted to be with us all day this month, as some weren't content to wait until our Open House last evening. Homeschoolers are generally notorious procrastinators, so we thought this would just give them a chance to ponder the possibilities.

Imagine our surprise when the registrations started pouring in every day? Classes filled up quickly, and then closed, all before our Open House? I received registrations from 26 returning families so far, 8 of whom had only come for one or two classes last year. It is so amazing to know that people love what we have created here, and are so eager to come back.

Yet nothing prepared me for the response from others through word of mouth. Picture my shock when new families, so excited after having visited last spring, showed up at my doorstep with registrations in hand over the last few days, hoping to get in? I had a stack of new registrations at my house to process even before the evenings' event!

Our Open House was a huge success. I walked around a bit flabbergasted with sheer amazement. What gorgeous displays from all these great women and men who volunteer to teach, eager only to be part of our group! What excitement coming from the new parents and children, all asking how they can volunteer and start meeting others! So many more lovely and talented folks, acting like they won the lottery when they found there was still space in the class of their choice.

Last night, we added 17 new all day families! The response from the local homeschooling community is unbelievable! And we haven't even begun taking registrations from those who just want to pop in for a day or two...YIKES!

I am admittedly feeling quite proud of this little business. All during the year, I am like Old Mother Hubbard, embracing and encouraging all the children that live in my "shoe", so to speak. I have the blessing of such great families who consistantly thank us, and offer help, so very grateful for the work we do to ensure that everything runs smoothly. We are a great extended family.

And still, I am amazed that so many others can step in from outside for just a peek, and really *see* that as well. Time and again I heard the same words last night, how our families had told friends how different and supportive our people are than other groups, and they wanted to be part of it as well. One Dad heard such a conversation, and interuppted to say that "It started at the top, and this lady's goodness and standard of excellence are what is attracting so many of us to the group. We all want to do everything we can to rise up to me her." Whoa!

So, forgive me if I am sounding proud today. Better words would be "affirmed" and "successful" but it is hard to bring that feeling across!
Best of all, I so love what I do!!!

One down, one to go!

My goddaughter just sent me this great picture of our family from graduation day. I'm so glad she convinced everyone to stop and take the shot of such a momentous day!

Buzz finished high school, as HoneyGirl prepares to start! I'm going to hang this one up, and celebrate their success for a few more weeks!

Tough Question on Learning

Honey posed deep questions on learning while sitting in the Japanese tea house at the Philadelphia Museum of Art yesterday. We had been enchanted with the ancient art section, and she was thrilled with the idea of using ancient art and architecture as the focus of her timeline research for our ancient world studies class. History has always been something of great disinterest for her, much to my chagrin. Lately, she has been finding certain focus points of interest: art, wars & warfare, and mythology and religion. She mentioned wishing "for the time when all aspects of history are something she could find fascinating."

Then she dropped a whopper on me:

"When was it that you transformed into someone who wants to

learn for the sake of knowledge, versus someone who

learns because it is necessary?"

There is so much insight in that question that I was momentarily speechless. She was asking because she is looking forward to that time when she will be a "lover of all learning."

There is a definite distinction for me. I was always a good student, but I didn't love all my subjects all the time. Sometimes, a class I thought I would hate turned out to be a fascinating surprise, due in no small part to a wonderful teacher. On the opposite end, classes I thought I would love turned out to be confusing and dull, again due to a disjointed and confusing lecturer. It wasn't until later that I researched independently and fell in love.

I think attitudes about learning are directly tied to maturity and grow through experience. It is a rather common thing to develop great focus and discipline in studying those subjects for which we have deep passion. Just look at a kid with his Pokemon cards. They can tell you inside and out every level, special power and healing for hundreds of characters from memory. Yet ask the same kid to explain a historical event or a scientific principle, and they look at you dumbfounded.

This has always been my main contention with total unschooling in the upper levels. By allowing a child to only pursue their passions, they might very well miss out on a subject that ignites a new spark that might well become a greater passion or even their career. Or, they may simply find a new respect or disdain that is now based in knowledge instead of mere disinterest.

It was the times when I really had to challenge myself to study and learn something that was outside my comfort zone were the times when I matured and grew in my love of learning. I may not have always enjoyed myself in studying American authors (Hemingway--gag!) , but I learned a great deal that has continued to shape my perspective when studying other authers over the years.

I had a high school teacher who once told me that I would learn more about myself and develop more self-confidence in facing scary (or even boring) subjects with an attitude of a conqueror. The knowledge I gained, whether something I loved or abhored, would become mine forever (or at least until perimenopause let it slip from my brain!) The more knowledge I built, the greater my base of understanding for additional knowledge.

Do you remember those moments when things started to make sense, and small the pieces of the puzzle began fitting together? I think that is when my passion for knowledge really began. I remember finding those links from psychology to sociology to anthropology, then wanting to understand better by learning more geography and history. Similarly, I can understand science better once exposed to the historical background and/or practical applications. Knowledge is so connected!

There is something to be said for the act of conquering a subject, or at least a finite bit of it that is deemed a course. Some might say I am a glutton for character building, but I truly believe that far too many live lives designed to avoid challenges or discomfort. What is that all about? This is the only time in history where science and technology has given us such ease in our daily lives. Why then do we feel the need to also avoid challenging ourselves intellectually? Or physically?

I have a theory on why so many more people in advnaced countries are suffering from depression than ever before. Children and teens are not being appropiately challenged throughout their youth, and are not building up confidence through that experience. There was no such concept of adolescence even a hundred years ago , and it does a mighty disservice to our youth to protect them from everything they don't particularly like, such as hard work and challenging academics. Of course, that's just my theory...

Back to the question: when did the transformation truly hit?

It wasn't until I was an adult however, that I wanted to challenge myself to understand things that I before had not. It began as a young adult in the work place. This sounds horribly snotty, but I was appalled at the inanely shallow focus of most of my co-workers, of all ages. The depth and breadth of their conversations were on soap operas and shopping. No one was reading any books, or getting any culture. Even those who had attended liberal arts college had somehow shut off their mind to the ideas learned there.

There was still so much I wanted to know! So I sought out like minded folks, in book groups and writing clubs. Then I had children, and threw myself into motherhood and into sharing the world with them. Their insatiable curiosity about everything had me at the library every week, helping them to find the answers to their questions (How do spiders spin webs? Where do bees go in winter?)

Once we started homeschooling, I had come full circle. I wanted to fill in every blank in my own education. The more I learned, I realized how much more there was still to learn! Everyday there is something new. I want to understand swap bond loans and the stock market. I want to know about global economics and green technology. I need to understand upper level maths and scientific concepts (not just punch numbers into formulas).

Honey and I spoke on all of this, and it seemed to satisfy her with the place that she is at right now. She is more than willing to be open , and sees that she can gain even from those things she isn't overly thrilled with through the experience and application of effort. She refuses to shy away from challenging subjects, and will not use her dyslexia as an excuse.

As a mother, I am just so proud that she is even pondering these sorts of thoughts. It shows great promise for her future!!!

Heartfelt Thoughts...

We've been focusing our energies on heart issues lately, so I thought this photo a friend sent me of HoneyGirl with her rainbow heart face paint was so perfect.

We had a great time on our first summer adventure. The homeschool picnic was terrific, and Honey was able to reconnect with a girl she met at the prom while I visited with my girlfriends. She was thrilled to discover that her new friend lives within five miles, and they have eagerly begun making plans. They share many interests: art, outdoors, and all things Asian. A great place to start building a friendship...

This brings my heart joy, as Honey's best friend since she is five is going to be moving to FL. I've been encouraging her to reach out to others and to keep herself open to new people. While a new friend will never replace the old, they can certainly lighten the burden of loneliness.

The other wonderful "heart" news is that all of Honey's heart tests have come back normal. As has all of the blood work. At this point, the general thought is that all of her issues were a reaction to a medication she was taking (and is no longer). Her color is starting to come back, and she is feeling markedly better. We are hpoing that it is only a matter of time until she is her healthy self again.

Thanks so muhc for all your thoughts and prayers as we work through this.

Summer of Surpises...

I have a confession to make. Last summer I was a very selfish mother. I put in 14-16 hour days getting the co-op organized, being administrator, teacher, sales person, and all around trouble shooter. I loved every minute of it, in a sick sort of way.

The exception is that I left HoneyGirl on her own for all of that time, to fend and entertain herself. Both KingBee and Buzz were off working long hours, and while I was home I was attached to the phone or computer. Granted, she was thirteen and perfectly capable of her own general care and a child who makes good choices. She was terrific about making her own plans, or pursuing her hobbies. But her only complaint at the end of summer was that she felt quite disconnected from me, and missed time together. We were able to reconnect in fall, and our relationship is at a great place.

I feel very blessed to have a teenager who enjoys spending time with me, and I recognize these high school years as a gift to be cherished. Her recent health struggles have been worrisome to my normally fearless girl. She's become more cautious, and a bit vulnerable, as she is delving into heart testing and cardiologist's visits. She needs more help than usual to distract her from worry.

Enter "Queen & Honey's Fantabulous Summer of Surprises." It struck me the other day that I needed to ensure a way that at least once a week we would do something together, and I started plotting ideas on our quickly filling calendar. I began thinking back to those things she had told me she missed doing last summer. We missed going to see fireworks, and tubing in the creek. We never got to pick our own strawberries, or to the beach for the day.

I took each one of these ideas, along with a few others (like visiting the Philadelphia Museum of Art with our sketchbooks and spending the whole day!) . I used my PrintShop program to create eight cards, each one outlining a weekly adventure, and added clip art, etc. I put them all in sealed envelopes, labeled Week #1 through #8, with "Do not open before" dates .

I clipped then together with a cute back pack clip, and presented her iwth the idea. Her reaction was so priceless, as she asked "Really, adventures for just you and me?" followed by a big hug. This is exactly what she and I both need this summer. We'll keep you posted...

The deep sigh of relief...

Can you imagine that I am walking around this week, finding myself repeatedly giving deep sighs of relief. The prom was a huge success! I managed to upload a few pics: me and the Fireside gang (see Honey in the back row!) and Buzz and his date, a darling girl and Future Queen Bee herself.

The kids and their friends spent Saturday at Dorney Park, while KingBee and I prepared for Buzz's graduation party. Both came home early and helped with yard work and patio set up, and relax a bit before Sunday's festivities.

Our graduation ceremony for the co-op was Sunday afternoon, and most of our family attended the ceremony. My asst director did an amazing job creating powerpoint presentations that played like scrapbooks of the year and each seniors life. It was so amazing, and I managed to get throug with only a few tears. I love these kids so much; I'm like Old Mother Hubbard!

Most touching was when one of the grads parents got up and praised our efforts and vision for the co-op, and all the kids and families gave us a standing ovation. It is so nice to know how much everyone loves it!

Directly afterward, we had a picnic at our house. Everything went smoothly and without a hitch! There wasn't even any major bickering from any family members, which was a huge accomplishment in itself!

I am quietly celebrating a job well done. Was it perfect? Not even close, but I am happy to be at a place where I do not regret the decision. Buzz has all the skills needed to move to the next step in his educational journey, and I am relieved to hand full responsibility to him.

Let the summer begin!!!!