This one will give you goosebumps...

Last Saturday, Buzz left for work full of excitement. He was to have a first date with a special girl he has been interested in for a while. They were going to go to the 7:15p showing of the movie "Spirit" at the theater by our house.


But as the day progressed, a heavy layer of fog fell over our valley. I started to feel a true sense that something terrible was going to happen. I've gotten this weird sense of foreboding before, and have learned that I am rarely failed by listening to it. It's far different than just an over-protective parent worrying feel, but something that lingers deep in my bones.


I told KingBee, who has also learned to respect these premonitions(I am not fond of the connotations that go along with that word choice; but it is the best we've found to describe this). We checked the weather service, and they had indeed listed a fog advisory. This girl lives a half hour away on unfamiliar roads, and Buzz is a new driver. When he got home from work, we told him that we were sorry and needed him to reschedule the date for another time, but that safety was more important. He was disappointed, but understood. We didn't think much more about it.


Early Monday morning, I was watching the local news. The pictures that I saw gave me chills. Five boys were in a tragic car accident, on their way to the 7:15 showing of "Spirit" at the same theater, only a mile from the theater. The wrecked car was the same color and size as the one Buzz would have been driving. One boy was killed, and hte other four are in critical condition.


I still get chills every time I think about this close call. When they gave more information about the boys, I realized that Buzz knows them. They were all boy scout friends, from another troop that we have often done group activities with over the years. Buzz and the guys from his troop are pretty shaken up about it as well.


I am just filled with sorrow for these families and friends, and with somber gratitude that I was given the gift of premonition so that our boy wasn't there at that time.

Observations from A Toy Seller

I took on a part-time job working at a small toy store a few weeks before Thanksgiving. With all my other responsibilities, I needed my part-time work to be a little carefree, in a place with a positive vibe. I was certain that my first month would be the busiest time of the year.

I was surprised, however, to realize that without lots of added responsibility, I was able to fall into a happy old habit of observing. It must be the dormant anthropologist in me, but I have been having a jolly old time of it. I thought a few of my observations about toys, the economy, and relationships might make for a light hearted post.

There is little long term play value for the money in toys today.
Ours is a somewhat higher end toy store, yet I am appalled to see how much of the toys marketed today have a very limited purpose. The craft and science kits are designed in a once-and-done consumable fashion, most at a minimum of $20 a pop.
While we carry a large variety of great toys for imaginative play like puppet theaters, wooden blocks and kitchen food sets, etc. , they were not the big sellers that the consumable crap proved to be this year, even at similar prices. I understand the trend toward consumable toys from a manufacturer's perspective, but I was a little surprised that in this economy too few have adjusted their purchasing habits toward value.

We rely too heavily on the Chinese for manufacturing.
I know that we all *know* this, but I have been overwhelmingly shocked at the reality of it. I began noticing it as I faced the shelves (moving everything to the front of the row in neat lines). I have to say that the only items I found not made in China were a few wooden toy sets and figurines made in Germany, and specialized items manufactured in the States. Even the lovely wooden toy puzzles and block sets are traveling halfway across the world.

We have discussed this a great deal as a family, and are especially interested in the economic labor aspects of this trend. We are doing our best to be conscious of this in our own purchasing. I tried to set an example this year in my own gifts and purchases, selecting handmade mittens and a sweater coat from Nepal, a hand-thrown pottery tea mug, and silver jewelry and iron work made by local artisans sold at a local craft fair.

Something we have done, and encourage you all to do is get involved with the grassroots efforts to Help Save Handmade Toys. We all need these artisans to be able to use places like Etsy and the WWW to increase sales for us all.

There are many aspects to "Grandparent's Envy"
I had first heard the term used in reference to parent's of adult children who had chosen to put off marriage and family for career. I thought it was all about babies, and as one who much prefers children once they hit the rugrat stage, I just didn't get it at all.

This year, however, I have a new understanding of the many facets of this condition. I am certainly LONG away from wanting my children to have children of their own, so no warnings of "be careful what you wish for" are needed here. But this is the first year that neither of my children was in the market for toys. The closest I got was getting Honey a few small UglyDolls, which she thought were very funky.

I'm not really talking solely about toys to purchase, for said reasons above, but toys to make. DH and I had a great discussion about this over cocktails the other night, and it was neat to see his interest in the ideas as well. One of the great joys of being a parent for us was those projects of building our own train tables and play forts for the kids.

Even when we had no money for supplies, we found creative ways ot make things happen for them. I remember hand sewing puppets with scraps of outgrown clothing. I made a "fairy corner tent" out of a pair of thrift shop sheers, a few spools of ribbon and a hula-hoop when the catalog version was too pricey. I look at some of the great projects being made by others in Blogland with littles and grandlittles and long to try them as well. I realize how much I miss toymaking, and that it holds a joy much different than making clothing.

Hopefully some of my nieces and nephews will start having kids soon, so I can get crafting .

Well, I must get in the shower for another shift at the toy store!

Celebrating the Season...

I am utterly rested. What a glorious statement at this time of year. The gifts are all wrapped, the house is decorated, and all that is left is more baking today. Still, I have not felt rushed in any of it.

I've been having quite a bit of fun with the kids as well. Buzz was recently hired at the toy store where I work, as two of the teens gave their notices immediately after getting their Christmas bonus checks. He is doing quite well, I am told, though I did request that if at all possible we not work together ;) One skill he needed to learn quickly was how to wrap gifts, as it is a complimentary service we provide. We spent a fun afternoon together in lessons we termed "Gift Wrapping 101. "

HoneyGirl and I have fallen into a fun habit. On the nights that I work, I come home too wired for immediate sleep. Honey, a true night owl, is waiting for me with a selection of movies, a roaring fire, and a prepared snack. We've been up laughing past midnight all week. We both realized how much we needed to just have fun time together, not just running errands and homeschooling.

What a gift I have rediscovered in slowing down for a bit. I even discovered that I have enough peace to compromise a bit on the holidays. While I do not enjoy the tradition of Christmas Eve with my DH's dysfunctional family, he pointed out that it is the only tradition of the holidays that he has from his childhood. While admittedly screwed up, this is the only family he has really known.

At the same time, he respects the fact that it is really difficult for me because I have had lovely experiences in my childhood, yet my family is all but gone. We decided this year that we will go with fresh hope to the dinner, with the option of leaving early if trouble is afoot. In compromise, he agreed it is best to not extend open invitations for me to entertain his family on Christmas day, and instead we are spending a family day alone together. Maybe I will decide to take some time during all the relaxing to finally do my Christmas cards ;)

Stepping off the Treadmill

Thanks for all of your notes of concern over my allergic reaction. It is a pretty scary thing and I probably shouldn't have been so blase about it. I didn't mean to frighten any of you at all; I suppose it is years of living iwth incidents like this that I take them in stride. I have come to look at the cookie swap as both a blessing and yet another funny example of life imitating an episode of Seinfeld.


The blessing is that I was forced to step off the treadmill of my life this week. The physical reaction was pretty serious, and my body needed a few days to recover fully. Which meant crossing all the extras off the calendar, and just relaxing. We did no schoolwork beyond the algebra midterm; and I did no lesson planning, nor any co-op administration.

Instead, I sat an unwrapped ornaments, while Buzz and Honey decorated the tree. The kids cleared the pictures off the mantle to be replaced by stockings and candles. We did a lot of pleasure reading by the fire, and I slept in until at least 7am all week long. (huge for me...that's an extra three hours a day!)

We've all been a little giddy, in fact. The holiday spirit has indeed snuck into our home...we just needed to slow down enough to notice it. We all have been making plans with friends to do some special celebrating. Yesterday, I had a great day out with my girlfriend that deserves it's own post, with pics.

There is snow and sleet coming in today, so we will do some baking and wrap some gifts to place under the tree. I think I will even find hte time to get those holiday cards out-better late than never. Wishing you all some holiday joy!

Cookie Swap Horrors...

Cookie swaps sound like a great idea. A group of friends all decide to get together, each baking the mother lode of their favorite cookie, and then everyone gathers at one person's house to socialize over coffee and exchange adorable little packages, recipes, and taste test the goods.

I had tagged along to one in New Jersey with a friend a few years back, as a slot had opened up in their extra large one. I suppose that I was at another time in my life, as my memories were wonderful.

Some of my homeschooling friends decided to give it a try this year. I decided to make my newly discovered best cookie ever: Andes' Creme de Menthe cookies. Last year, I found the manufacturers sold those delicious thin mints as chopped bits for baking. I made four dozen for Christmas eve, and they were gone within an hour.

Determined to share this find, I signed up in October to make this unique cookie. As soon as the stores put out their holiday baking displays, I was searching for my bags of mint bits. I couldn't find them anywhere. It seems that this year, Andes' decided to make a different bit: white chocolate with candy cane bits. This would not do.

As the swap drew nearer, I recruited friends in searching for the bits at their grocery stores as well. My best friend called eagerly sharing that she didn't find the bits, but she did find a display with the recipe using the plain mints, and dropped off two boxes and the recipe. Adding the chopping of the mints really wasn't that big of a deal, right? Relieved, I bought eight more, and set my baking for last Friday morning.

I got started around 8am, figuring I would have enough time to get the 16 dozen batches finished before needing to get ready for the Christmas dance later that evening. I opened the first package and realized I had forgotten a simple fact in my time calculations: each mint is individually wrapped. Ten packages and an hour and a half later, all the mints were opened and chopped.

HoneyGirl came in, wanting to help with the baking. We quadrupled the recipe, and got it all mixed. I remembered mid way through that my MIL had my extra large mixing bowl, so we had to back track and divide the recipe in half into two large bowls before adding in the flour. It seems I wasn't done misjudging my time, as I had forgotten that the dough needs to chill for at least an hour before spooning to bake. I only managed to get eight batches baked and put away before I ran out of time. At least this dough chills well, and I popped it away to bake the remaining cookies later.

Once baked, I filled holiday chinese take-out style boxes with a dozen each. I printed out recipe cards, and tied them to the handles with curling ribbon bows. I decorated each package with a mini-Christmas ball, and filled my basket with my goods as we left for the host's home on Sunday afternoon.

The hosting family has a large family and extra large dining room that was ideal for such an event. Except that a week before, I discovered that they hvae numerous cats. Not a big deal, except to people with cat allergies. I made arrangments to make a quick exit and popped a Benadryl on the way there, but went hoping for the best.

We arrived and the holiday dishes were all laid out, and the cider was warming in the stove while the coffee brewed. Within fifteen minutes, my throat was tickling. A half hour in, I was wheezing. I did my inhaler and drank some strong coffee, and everything seemed to subside. I was having a lovely time visiting.

Once we began the taste testing, I asked each person if there were any nuts in their cookies. these are all friends who know of my allergy, and I told them to just let me know which cookies were for my family, and which I could eat as well. Some were so wonderful to make special batch just for me.

I returned home after being gone only two short hours, feeling a little wheezy but not bad. We watched football, and the fmaily began sampling the cookies. I nibbled on some "safe" cookies as well. After a bit though, I began feeling very ill. I went out to check the recipes, unable to figure out what I had ingested that was making me react so strongly. One of my dearest friends forgot that "almond extract" was actually from a nut, and I had eaten a half dozen of her little Swedish spritz cookies.

Needless to say, I spent SUnday night very ill, over-medicating and purging, to get the nuts out to my system. Luckily it was almond, my least reactive nut. I still was feeling the effects on Monday, as I did Honey's algebra mid-term review from bed, and napped all afternoon. I was able to manage working somehow last evening, but I kept having to sit down and had these flashes of the sweats. I woke today still feeling pretty sick, and decided that after her mid-term, we will just watch movies by the fire. I don't have the time to be this sick.

Of one thing I am certain....I am done with cookie swaps. Maybe this is God's way of mentally preparing me for my upcoming diet in the new year. I can't even look at a cookie now without cringing!

Our Christmas Dance

It was a Friday night in December, so everyone would expect all the homeschooled kids to be home reading physics books, right?

Someone forgot to tell our teens that this past weekend! A dear friend and homeschooled mom organized a wonderful Christmas dance especially for homeschoolers in our area. She rented a lovely reception hall for the 60+ kids that signed up this year.

Our gang surely didn't waste any time getting the party started, and the dance floor was full almost as soon as the DJ switched from background music as we arrived to top 40 hits. HoneyGirl is dancing with friends in the front row in the above pic by her long dark blonde hair and plum colored dress!

The dance floor looked like this all night...packed with teens having the time of their life. But it was very different from the ones I remember as a teenager. There were no "cool" guys leaning against the wall laughing at others. There were no couples sneaking outside doing things they shouldn't, and not one incident of under age drinking. The ownership and staff at the hall were gushing over the amazingly uncharacteristic behaviour of our kids...and invited us back for the spring prom with open arms.

The smiles and energy were amazing, and I felt so lucky to be one of the chosen few to chaperone (only six adults were there...as this was a party for the teens). The floor was packed until the end. I can't thank this mom enough for all she does planning these events for our homeschoolers.

Unexpected Gifts...

Last day of co-op before Christmas break is always a cheerful time. This year the spirit of joy was overwhelming. My Bah Humbug flew out the window in the midst of so many special hugs and handmade cards. A few of the teens had the idea to come dressed up like funky elves and reindeer, and handed out candy canes and chocolate to everyone at lunchtime.

The biggest surprise was how much giving was going on there. These families really chose to show their appreciation in a way I have never experienced before. There were lots of gifts being exchanged; some were precious and homemade, while others were thoughtful and unique.
The children, many who I've never had as students in my own classes, were coming to hug me with holiday wishes. The most adorable was one little second grader who told me that our co-op has made this "the best year of her entire life."

Can you imagine a better gift than that? I didn't think it was possible, but then I had forgotten what an amazingly thoughtful gift-giver my dear friend and partner in this venture always manages to be. She surprised me with the most precious gift: a large framed collage. She has a candid shot of me in the middle, with the quote "Education is the not the filling of a bucket, but the lighting of a fire." (Our motto). Underneath, she wrote "Thank you for being our spark. Surrounding this is a photo of almost every student and teacher who is a part of our group. I cried it is so beautiful!

You can only imagine then, that my spirits were quite high after a day so wonderful. These families had not only reminded me of the intrinsic value of all the work I do for co-op, but had actually found a way to share their contagious holiday joy. Both kids went off with friends after the day; one for a major biology study session and the other to just hang out and play a bit. I kicked off my shoes and sat down to read through the mail, and found that there was one more unexpected gift waiting for me.

Buzz Boy's PSAT scores were in the mail. I had been anxiously awaiting them after a call from the local high school's guidance counselor on Monday. The scores had been sent there , as he had taken them with the group there. The counselor had told me that Buzz had done "extremely, extremly well" and that he in fact scored second highest of anyone in their school that year. I was able to review each section and was thrilled with how well he had done. He did so well, falling just short of National Merit scholarship numbers. (Remember that the "second best" is relative to that school's population, not all students nationally) .

I was so thankful for the quiet house then, to sit and reflect on this homeschooling journey. Certainly, this test is not the end all proof that homeschooling has worked for my kids. I can look at them as such unique and capable young people and have pride on any day.

But what this test shows me is that success in the traditional popularly- recognized ways is readily possible as well. Buzz is certainly bright, but is by no means a self-motivated student. But his world was filled with quality literature and adults who have a passion and excitement about education, and it rubbed off. I'm not brilliant, but I am resourceful and admit my limitations. If I couldn't teach something well, I found someone else who could. We were able to find that nice balance when we hit the high school years between delight- driven studies and plowing through the harder, sometimes boring stuff for the mere learning of it.

I told Buzz that he was going to have to let me present him as "the poster child for success of normal homeschooled teens " on my blog, and he agreed with laughter. He likes that label a great deal. He is rightfully pleased with himself. He surprised me to mention that he wants to get an SAT study guide, hoping to increase his scores at least another hundred points. A friend had told him that the better the score, the better chance for scholarship money.

The best gifts are sometimes take a while to arrive, but boy are they worth the wait!!

A Much Deserved Break...Free of Obligatory Family Functions!

Today is the last official day of co-op until the new year. As much as I love the kids and teaching, I am beyond ready for a break from it all. My own two have opted to finish up any assignments and their math/science mid terms, and then enjoy a break themselves.

I have really been struggling to find a little Christmas spirit this year. I have been so out of sorts that I have yet to get out the Christmas decorations or even go for the tree, something I always did eagerly Thanksgiving weekend. I've gotten a lot of shopping done, but have found myself in a rather depressing dilemma. You see, I will find absolutely perfect gifts for my mother, or any of my four grandparents that I can become genuinely excited about for a few moments, imagining their joy. The irony is that they have all passed on.

Which brings me to the core of my Bah Humbug mood--the ones I would really enjoy celebrating with not the ones that are left. The reality is that I am left trying to find obligatory gifts for other living family members that I don't like or enjoy very much due to their dysfunction. The obligatory gatherings are filling me with dread, because I have reached a point where I value my time more than the rules of holiday etiquette.

King Bee and I have been having some great conversations about this and are trying to come up with some solutions that work for our family. He has never known anything but his selfish and dysfunctional family , and I lost most of mine within the first five years we were together. I appreciate that he is now valuing our core families happiness over "what is expected", and hope that we can start building our own traditions.

Oddly, the most fun I have had all season is finding the gifts for my children's teachers at the co-op. Even with a very small budget, I was able to smile at finding unique gifts for all. I was thrilled to find lovely Lenox ornaments on 70% off, and we got them as thank you gifts for the teachers and helpers as well.

While I sat up last night wrapping them, I realized that a feeling of Christmas joy had finally crept in. I was singing carols and smiling, as I realized that these people are the family I have chosen for myself at this time of my life. It is with them that I share the joy and trials of homeschooling; it is with them that I find camaraderie and support.
It is with them that I find acceptance, despite all our differences.

This chosen family , then, is the gift I have given myself. My friends in blogland, too, give me that feeling of joy and celebration. And while I won't be getting together with you all to share cookies and cocoa, please know that if I could, I would love nothing more than to have a huge holiday party with all of you and your families. Just the thought has me humming carols!

Planning Styles Need to Reflect Lifestyle

My dear friend JoVe emailed me a great link yesterday that became a topic of great thought in our home. Camp Creek has an excellent post on Project Based Learning. In many ways, we have used this technique sporadically, but I always maintained a core framework for us throughout the year.

Still, I have often fancied how this sort of learning would work with my daughter. She is much more akin to developing her own interests and actively trying to learn more about them. A few weeks ago, she mentioned that she wanted to "be inspired" by her learning next year.

I shared this post with HoneyGirl, thinking she would jump at the chance. She surprised me by telling that it just won’t work for us, especially not through high school. She summed it up quite nicely…”Mom, if you don’t lay some sort of planned groundwork, nothing will ever get done. We both get too busy and distracted with other things.”

Kinda scary when your kid can analyze the situation so well! I hate to admit it but I am just not in a place where I even want to be that constant side-by-side teacher any longer. This sort of "plan along with them" is just nothing that I could manage on a continual basis. There is too much life getting in the way. I was struck with such a wave of guilt about this reality, until Honeygirl yet again set me straight.

She loves her independence as a student when she can open up a planner and plot out her week using the syllabi's for her various classes and subjects. Our co-op gives her active teaching in a variety of subjects, and I am always right there while we do math. But I have to admit that I enjoy not feeling tied down to hand-lead through all her lessons anymore. I selfishly enjoy the freedom I have gained !

While I do love this in theory, I also have a very practical child. She wants to attend college, and knows that with her learning difficulties, she needs some practice with traditional curriculum in subjects like math and science. She feels that all the experiments and hands-on will parlay any monotony of the text, and she wants to willingly trudge through to get practice in taking notes on reading.

So I have been brainstorming to come up with a way to make a traditional high school science curriculum less monotonous for her , without making it totally drudgery for me. You see, I have another confession to make. As much as I love other sorts of projects, science experiments are one of my least favorite things to do. Too much prep, too time consuming, too messy, and often they don't work as they should and I feel all the time is wasted. I am certain that there is something from my past lingering here...but I can't shake the feeling of major dread.

This is where it pays to have lots of homeschooling friends. One of my girlfriends is a former nurse and loves experiments. We have both been searching for an alternative to the Apologia Physical Science curriculum, which unfortunately is the favorite of the science teacher at our co-op.

Last week, I was lucky enough to be given an older Prentice Hall set, with teacher's edition and all the teacher's guide books and testing materials for each chapter. The two of us decided to share ...photocopying enough of everything for all three girls, and we will get them together on Friday afternoons to science lab and then just hanging out to play music together.
In turn, her girls will take my classical mythology class, to help her with English (her least favorite subject).

My point here, is that planning styles really need to reflect lifestyles. There was a time when I was fully "there" for my kids and all their school work. But as they age and develop their own abilities, they don't need me to be involved as much as before. This independence has been a good thing, when I moved from teacher to supervisor. I am enjoying standing on the periphery a bit, watching her create and learn, and then come to me to share her success.

Losing A Day

We often joke about needing an 8-day week to get everything done, or to find time to relax properly. I realized that from last Tuesday to yesterday, I had worked 24 hours. I will be doing so again this week. In reality, I am losing a day each week. No wonder I feel so busy! I do however, enjoy the mindless nature of the job...no major responsibilities or decisions to be made is a nice switch!

Thanksgiving was a major bummer. No need to drone on...just a whole lot of work for my husband's ungrateful family. It makes me miss my mother and grandparent's so much more. At least this year Dh noticed that I not only did all the cooking but all the cleaning up after the meal as well, with my MIL only trip out to the kitchen being to snatch huge portions of leftovers. Next year...I am insisting on inviting friends or no one at all!

I did partake in some Black Friday shopping in the wee hours of the morning, but not in the typical way. Being the craft geek that I am, I was at Joann's fabrics at 6am, and then made a quick trip across the street to Michaels crafts before heading home to get ready for working all day.

Things were great at co-op yesterday, something I greatly needed. A crew of teachers sat together laughing and sharing stories at lunch to the point of screams and tears. It is so nice to have such great homeschooling moms as friends, and sharing the venture. Even more fun was having some of the teens teach me some new dances. Watch out world, I now know how to "drop it like it's hot." Ho!

This morning I took the time to finally catch up on my blog reading, which always puts me in a good mood. So many interesting and inspiring ideas out there that I would love to try. Sigh! I sure could use that day back ...
I didn't take the time to do much commenting, forgive me, but it was lovely to peek into your world and see that all was well.

One more week of co-op, then a few weeks off (for the kids at least). I can take some time for grading papers and finish up the lesson planning for the second half of the year. There is lots of crafting and baking and fun to be had! We still are unsure of KingBee's departure date for the Virginia job, but we are excited that he might be home the entire week before/during Christmas.

Transitions

Transitions are never easy for me. I am a creature of habit, comfortable with concepts like morning routines and weekly schedules. Much of it comes from having a very full plate, I'm sure. In theory, I can find time to fit every little duty in. But I am still trying to figure out the value of my pleasure activities.

One quick idea toward success was to offer to pay Honey to cook meals the night I am working. She has been helping for a while, but never took charge completely. I have been getting together some simple recipes for her, and just making sure the ingredients are all on hand. She has created a little notebook, writing everything down for herself. She is thrilled with the praise of her success, as well as the opportunity to earn a little cash for doing a job that is over and above. (I don't believe in allowances, per say, since regular chores should just be done as part of contribution. )

In reality, I am struggling to find the focus. It seems that now is the time of choices. Right now, I am choosing to blog with this free hour, instead of get another load of laundry started, because I know that the pile can wait until tonight. I am letting myself procrastinate here and there. I now keep a file folder for papers to be graded at my leisure, instead of obsessively doing them right away. I will always be so strongly Type A that letting a little slide will probably make me seem more normal.

I'm realizing, then, that I need to remember to focus on the joy. Yesterday, I spent the morning laying in bed with HoneyGirl watching a horror flick, because we hadn't had the chance to do so over the weekend.
She didn't start school until 1pm. That little bit of early freedom paid off, when she finished her 1-2 page story assignment with plus seven pages and aced an algebra test.

In the same vein, I am picking and choosing our way through the holidays. What activities are traditions we love, or just things we do year after year because we always have? What people are a joy to see, and which can we pass on this year? Do I really need to take a whole day to write out 80 Christmas cards, or can I simply email one standard greeting to all...saving both time, trees, and money?

This Thanksgiving week then, I will focus on the things I am thankful for, and search of a perspective that is bigger than the details of life.

Working, and the weekend

I started working part-time at a high end toy store a few minutes from my house. I had been pondering a little outside for a while, with college tuition costs being added to our budget within months, yet I did not want part-time work to be stressful or in a negative environment that would sap my energy.

I know how lucky I was to find this shop, with it's friendly hands-on owner and special customer perks (like complimentary gift wrapping.) My first shift was last night, and I can tell already that I am going to really enjoy it there. I loved helping the customers find just the right gift, and talking with the children.

I am just so thankful that my two are quite past the majority of the items , or the combination of constant exposure and a 30% discount would have been disasterous!

THis evening, however, is a big event for our co-op's teens. We are all meeting up to go see the 5:00pm showing of "Twilight" at a local theater. HoneyGirl is going over to a girlfriends for the afternoon first, and meeting Buzz and I there . I admit that while the books are definitely on the "mind twinkie" side of literature, they have been fun to read . I can't wait to see if the film version works.

This weekend, it seems will be the perfect time for me to reorganize and prioritize my schedule, now that I have an extra 17-20 hours a week blocked off for work. It is surprising how quickly I remember how to prioritize and compartmentalize everything. TIme to start relying heavily on a daily planner again!

The Sweeney Todd Effect...

HoneyGirl and I stayed up late Friday night watching Sweeney Todd. After, we had a great discussion about rock operas like "Tommy" and "Jesus Christ Superstar". She quickly added them to our Netflix queue, looking forward to our next late night movie together.

I was perhaps unaware that she had come down with something more serious. Let me call it the Sweeney Todd effect. You see, today she sat down to start a simple assignment to write a 1-2 page story using anthropomorphism. She was quickly scribbling away on an outline, and doing research on the internet. More scribbling, and lots of giggling to herself. Two hours later, she comes to me with her story idea and a bonus.

Her story will be about a family of bears that live on a freshwater lake who are suddenly faced with starvation. They discover the stream leading to their lake has been dammed up for a huge building project (to be determined). A rather smart bear, Jefferson, does some research and tells the rest that if they can find and relocate an endangered species to their lake, the Endangered Species Act would force the men to cease construction. The bears will head out on a journey to find a platypus family, and they convince the platypus to move to their valley lake with promises of protection of their eggs and nests. The bears then lure some park rangers to the platypus nests, and all work is stopped, and the dam removed. The fish return, and the bears way of life is saved.

The bonus was the big suprise here. She explains that she thought the ending would be a perfect place for all the animals to break into song, like in Sweeney Todd. As such, I include her adaptation of Queen's hit...

"Bear"hemian Rhapsody

Bear #1- Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality.
Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see,
I’m just a poor cub, I need no sympathy,
Because I’m easy come, easy go; tide high, tide low,
Any way the fish swim, doesn’t really matter to me, to me.

Bear #2 Mama, just killed a plan.
Put a platypus in his way, used the law to make a play
Mama, fish have finally come.
Cuz’ now the MEN have thrown their plans away.
Mama, ooh, won’t we laugh when builders cry.
They won’t be back again this time tomorrow.
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
So soon, our time has come
Sends shivers down our spines, bellies full now all the time
Platypus Hello, everybody, I’ve come to stay.
Gonna settle here and make my home with you.
Brothers, no need to cry
I sometimes think this all was meant to be.
I see a little silhouette of a bear,
BEAR CHORUS Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Bear-dango
Bulldozers and dump trucks; out of work, out of luck-WEE!
Fish filet-O (Fish filet-O) Fish filet-O (Fish filet-O),
Fish filet-O, Chili Dog! Magnifico!
RAINBOW: I’m just a poor fish; bears want to eat me
SCHOOL: He’s just a poor fish, from the trout family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
RAINBOW: Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
BEAR: Bismillah! No I will not let you go.
SCHOOL: Let him go!
BEAR: Bismillah! No I will not let you go.
SCHOOL: Let him go!
BEAR: Bismillah! No I will not let you go.
RAINBOW: Let me go!
BEAR: Will not let you go.
RAINBOW: Let me go! AH!
ALL: No, no,no,no,no, no, no
RAINBOW: Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go!
Beelzebub has a beartrap put aside for you, for you, for you!
(Bear eats Rainbow; school swims off)

BEAR: So you thought you could starve us and get us to leave.
Didn’t think some dumb bears could find a reprieve!
Oh, baby, can’t get rid of us baby.
We worked it out, just gotta get MAN outta here.
PLATYPUS Wildlife really matters, anyone can see.
Wildlife really matters,
Wildlife really matters to me
CHORUS Any way the fish swims….


If this is the finale, I can't wait to see what she comes up with for the story!

Why Aren't Kids Reading the Classics?

I have been brewing this post for a long while, and my whistle has finally blown on my mental teakettle. I thought it was a topic that would resonate with other homeschoolers.

I use the Internet a great deal whenever I do my curriculum planning for my kids. I have had a lot of success using a literature approach throughout. Even before the children could read personally, family read-alouds of the classics were a solid part of their education. After they had mastered the skill, we continued with read-alouds , just raising the level of the written word.

Once I was planning for a high schooler, I often checked with traditional school reading lists, to ensure that I was not missing some critical work . I've been long astounded at the lack of true classics on many high school lists, instead willed with pop fiction like Barbara Kingsolver or Stephen King. Where did Thoreau, Bradbury, Dickens, and Cather go?

This year, my shock has continued to grow as I am teaching creative writing at our homeschooling co-op. I am finding that a lack of exposure to classic children's literature extends to many homeschoolers as well. How can you teach a literary element like anthropomorphism when half of the children have never heard of Aesop's Fables or Beatrix Potter? I struggled through a list of classics I was certain they had heard of: Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nim, Cricket in Times Square, Watership Down, and others. I only to hit on a common chord when I mentioned "Charlotte's Web." They had, after all, seen the movie. Sigh.

HoneyGirl, who is in the class, tried another approach by listing the new book series like "Guardians of G'Hoole" and "Warriors." Oh, they had all heard and read those. In further investigation, they explained that it is only "cool" to get the books on the front tables of the book store. Double sigh!

I find it remarkable to note that the writing ability of those who have been raised with the classics is far and above those who are fed a literary diet of "Captain Underpants." This is no mere coincidence. Long ago I had given my kids the analogy of books for nurishment. The classics were referred to as the meat and vegetables that kept us mentally sharp. The pop-fiction was the dessert. The kids happily adopted this thinking, already reading a classic for each "Mind-Twinkie."

Charlotte Mason called pop fiction "twaddle", and I sadly now have a class full of students that only reinforce her claims. I have spoken to some of the parents, giving them suggested reading lists for the kids. I have tried explaining that in order to develop into a good writer, students must have experience reading or hearing quality literature. It seems sadly that most of these parents have never read the classics either.

When I got home last night, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I dug out the address links from my last class reunion, and made a phone call to the son of the woman who gave my mother a classics reading list for me: Mrs. Reitz, my childhood librarian.

Mrs. Reitz reconized my love of books, and took the time to help my mom, a high school drop-out, by creating her own "great books" list of well over a hundred books. My mom, bless her heart, made sure that read every book on that list. Mrs. Reitz would take time to discuss these books with me each week, helping me grow and understand.

Now in her 70s, I got her address. Her long overdue thank you letter is going in the mail today, as well as a hand-crocheted bookmark. My wish would be that every child had a "Mrs. Reitz" in their lives. Later today, we are going to bake some banana bread and take it to the lovely librarians of our local library as thanks for the job they do!

Sweet News from the Hive

Last summer, I had discovered some unpleasant news at my annual physical: Type II diabetes. I have known for years that I have issues with my insulin levels after a trip to the ER after a hypoglycemic episode at work when I was on Atkins. I thought I had been pretty aware of my blood sugar levels, until these results.

My Doc said the changes were probably due to a huge shift in all my hormones in the lovely perimenopausal state I was in. You see, the blood work noted all those hormones had really tanked as well, as if the hot flashes weren't enough to warn me of it's presence.

All I knew was that I just felt too old in my body. I'd been overweight and out of shape for years. I'd successfully lost 18 pounds and kept it off the preceding winter, but then lost steam. Changes needed to be made, and I really truly did not want to just jump on the "medicate the symptom" bandwagon. I wanted to fix the problem, if I could.

So, I started doing research, reading labels, and cutting foods from my diet. I am the first to admit that I love all those high carb foods that are so bad for me...pasta, rice, and potatoes. I knew I would not be one able to stick to a whole, raw foods diet without becoming vicious enough to eat my young. So I cut out the glaring culprits and limiting carbs in general. I made substitutions 75% of the time to whole grains in bread, pasta and rice. I prayed that in finding a balance, I would be able to get healthy and still enjoy lasagna or chicken fried rice once and a while.

I noticed a significant change only after my body had gotten used to not having certain foods. Corn syrup & white sugar are big triggers that now makes me feel physically ill. When I have even a glass of Lipton iced tea or the such, I can feel my blood sugar spike, and indulging in candy gives me headaches. When I am feeling exceptionally tired , I could literally eat a pop-tart and be zipping as if taking speed. I can say that while I wasn't as diligent as I could be, my body helped me out by showing me the signs I needed to easily limit sugar intake.

Six months later, my blood work came back much improved. My sugar is now under 100...and I am still eating my favorite foods occasionally. My doctor has said that I no longer need to use the blood sugar monitor, as my body seems to be giving me wonderful warnings when I have over-indulged. My fingers are so happy!

The added bonus is that I even lost another six pounds. Now that I am stabilized , I am planning to step back into a more purposeful weight loss program after the holidays with the help of my nutritionist Betsy, in hopes of dropping another fifteen pounds. As Betsy said, I can undo years of slow gain and poor health by working my way back. It's really empowering!

Feeling Crafty....

I looked at the calendar yesterday, as well as a lot of my favorite blogs, and realized that the holidays are rapidly approaching. If I am going to consider any number of homemade gifts, I really need to start planning now.

My goal this year, however , is to also be a bit practical and try to utilize some of the bins and cupboard full of yarn and fabric I have been collecting. One could liken my habit of collecting everything fiber to a disease. And while I am not even hoping to recover from this penchant, I also realize that I can't buy anymore unless I make some room!

After spending an hour or so puttering around, I was amazed at the sheer volume of the stash. I have some favorite old stand-by patterns, like the flannel covered comfort bags that were such a success for teacher's gifts a few years back. I am also thinking about making a few simple tote bags with some other pieces stored away.

A few months ago, I whipped up a few crocheted cell phone holders that hang conveniently around the neck for HoneyGirl. She had this terrible habit of stuffing her phone in her pocket, and it would fall out often when she sat. I would post a pattern, but I never used one: just hte measurements of the phone. They were a big hit with her friends, and will be quick and easy to make for my female friends and family, and the perfect compliment to hold gift cards.

I am also dabbling to try to crochet HoneyGirl a funky guitar strap, for her acoustic. I've looked at patterns on the web for ideas, but will again try my hand at a self-designed pattern. The guys, unfortunately, don't wear scarves or wool hats, so I will have to think a bit harder on handmade gifts for them. Maybe knit golf club covers?

If nothing else, it is nice to give myself the break from all the lesson planning and business stuff to allow a little bit of the holiday spirit to sneak in. I'm off to grab some yarn, light a Gingerbread candle and get started!

To be Content...

"To be content with myself and my life."

~HoneyGirl

Each year around this time, HoneyGirl always wants to tweek her curricula. In years' past, this tweeking could be as small as an addition of a topic of interest or as large as a full blown unit on her newest passion while dropping everything else for a month or so.

The problem with getting older though, is that we are lacking less freedom to drop it all. We both realize that this year, the last before high school, there are subjects that simply must be continued to ensure a solid understanding. Then there are those classes that she is taking at the co-op, which continue on until May. There is still room, of course, to alter the direction of our social sciences and additional science at home, but not in the way of the past.

While we were on our walk yesterday, we actually became a little wistful at this realization. Honey is happy at the place she is at, and does not wish to jump into an unschooling lifestyle. She enjoys the consistency of algebra and her other classes, even if they are sometimes challenging. But the realization that she will soon be in high school seemed to lay in the air like a fog.

She discussed her tweeking as the pragmatist that she is; wanting to drop back on the geography and study more about civics and government. She wants to do a research paper on tornadoes for the science fair, and as such can turn that into a unit study all its' own. She has decided that she might like to be more selective about her co-op classes next year, to give her the freedom she likes at home in other subjects, and I suggest that she think a bit about her future goals, and then decide which classes will help her toward them.

"To be content with myself and my life," was her answer.

Smiling, we just walked in quiet for a while. That is quite profound for a 14 yr old; as most adults haven't yet figured that simple truth out for themselves. There are times when I forget this for myself. I thanked her, for being able to remind me that I need not get so wrapped up in a million different notions, but just remember to strive for our contentment.

Struggles and Discoveries

It's been an interesting bit of time here between my last few posts. I've needed a bit of time to mull over a few things with all the changes/drama of late. Something in me always needs to analyze all the aspects of a problem to understand and move forward.

I have again donned my tool belt, and played plumber with both bathroom sinks. I am still baffled at the time, but for the last month both have been hardly draining. Refusing to pay a plumber for what seemed like a simple repair, I gathered up the snake and some wrenches. I took both traps off and found them clogged...one with long blonde hair, and the other with a necklace belonging to Honey's friend. It was easy to do, and surprisingly fun. Maybe I need to think about this as a future career....and move to Canada where I have been told there will be a shortage of plummers in the next decade!

Homeschooling Honeygirl is the one constant positive. I am forever impressed with her resilience, even through hormonal teen years. She might have a lazy attitude one week, but then bounces back with new passion the next. She's more self-reliant all around.

Last week, she and KingBee has been watching a rock concert online, and she mentioned an interest in guitar. He confiscated the acoustic gathering dust in Buzz's room and gave it to her to play around with. In true unschooler style, she started watching instructional videos on YouTube for hours each evening. A few days later, she asked if I still had Music Ace computer program, as she now is ready to learn to read music.

HoneyGirl did experience some more stuggles in algebra, but we are again pleased with our ability to make adaptations. We began lessons on additive inverse, and visual of the equations was not translating through the Math U See block manipulatives. I tried explaining it a few different ways, but she had already been overwhelmed looking a page of problems like 3x+12=4x + 7 - 2x without understanding the concept.

Sensing her anxiety, I sent her out in the yard with the dogs and a ball . I dug out our favorite HandsOn Equations packets and manipulatives and balance. Within five minutes, this program helped her understand the concept of balancing both the unknown and the number to solve for x, and she banged through the lesson, and she asked to do another. It is amazing to me how the right manipulatives can turn algebra into a fun puzzle for her!

The situation with Buzz has settled itself with me in a very good place. I am amazed at how great a relief it has been to stop worrying and reminding him of his academic and extra-curricular responsibilities. I've felt a great release of frustration, and I realize that everyone around me was effected by the residual resentment I held at his negative attitude toward my guidance.

I am seeing that in a way, I was interfering with Buzz learning lessons he needs the only way he understands: the hard way. He missed a movie with friends because he had no clean clothing, letting his laundry pile up in his corner for almost three weeks. He's dropped the ball on some boy scout planning he was responsible for and has been called out by leadership. He's missed a few assignments for his other teachers', as well as forgotten to study for tests here at home. He has yet to work on his research paper that was assigned over a month ago, and is due next week.

Each time a problem arises, he comes to me to fix it. I have been very good about maintaining the stance of distance here. I remind him that he made a choice through inaction in each situation, and he now must be responsible for the fallout. He might leave our discussions frustrated and upset, but I now see that before, I would have also felt that way. Giving him the responsibility for himself has been life changing for me, and I hope will end up being life changing for him in the end!

On a positive note, he has realized we were serious when we told him that we would not pay for his expanded social life now that he has a license, and he has put in a few applications for part-time work. He has a great attitude about his financial responsibility and driving. We all think it would be good for him to fill his schedule a bit more as well.

KingBee and I have been working quite a bit out as well. It seems there was a major underlying stress that he was trying to keep from me last week. Over 75% of his company is being laid off , and he didn't want to let me know until he knew if he was part of these cuts. He seems to be working out a deal to stay on this winter, but will end up heading a job in Virginia all winter until the new contracts start in spring. There is still no excuse for acting like his stinger was shoved too far up his bottom, but I can understand how stressful this has been for him.

The economy is getting to us, as it is to everyone else. I have decided to get a seasonal holiday job for a few nights or weekends to rebuild our cushion and help with Christmas expenses. Not that I want lots of extra work, but I am too much of a worrier to not have a little something set aside for a rainy day. The benefit to Buzz having his license is that I am not playing chauffer for him any longer, and Honey is much more of a homebody. She is excited about the idea of cooking meals while I am gone for everyone.

I am discovering that there are a lot of exciting changes when your teenagers start taking on responsibilities for themselves (whether they want to or not! )

A different sort of election commentary...

I am so pleased that this election is over. I have felt as if I have endured an unwanted scrutiny of my beliefs, logic, and character throughout . As a longtime Republican, I did not cross parties frivolously. Yet an attitude of disdain was fairly constant even while I tried to not enter into debate. It is so sad to see how people can allow themselves to be divided over politics.

What has baffled me the most has been the absence of mention of statistics based on presidential history. One only needs to look at the records to know that it was highly unlikely any candidate of the same party as a current adminstration could win when that adminstration had made such a royal mess of things for two terms. It's just the nature of the political beast. I am thankful that the president elect is an intellegent and thoughtful man with a plan, and hope that his wisdom will be reflected in his cabinet choices, and his ability to work through the mess he is inheriting.

Despite all of this, I have found a silver lining to this whole process. For the first time ever, I have seen the youth of our nation yearning to know more about the presidential candidates and actively take part in the process. My own kids have not just listened to the media's views, but did research and questioned to develop their own opinions. We've been able to discuss the electoral process, presidential history and the long traditions of viscious and untrue mudlslinging. Our teenagers have not just been talking to us about the issues, but discussing it with each other with fervor.

The most exciting news from last night was the increase in first time and young voters. This should thrill everyone, black or white, Dem or Republican. It shows that our youth have stopped floating along without thinking about the big issues that effect us. They chose to step up in unprecidented numbers to give voice to the concerns about our economy, our world, and our environment.

I hope that this interest in things beyond themselves continues to build a better tomorrow for us all. Echoing the sentiments of the eloquent concession speech given my John McCain, I sincerely hope that all Americans can stop politicing and start focusing on fixing the enormous problems our country is facing.

Focusing on the Positive

Thank you all so very much for the kind comments yesterday. It is so nice to have so much support out there. For now, I am trying to accept that the men in my life are going through some sort of emotional turmoil that is causing them to act like jerks. They'll get over it, hopefully sooner than later.

So I spent my morning commiserating with my closest friends, who helped me regain my confidence and perspective as all true girlfriends can. A blind-sided attack like that can shake even the strongest of foundations, and I needed some help resettling. The guys each have issues right now are not mine to bear, so I have packed them up and returned to sender.

I am instead focusing on the positive. I woke HoneyGirl, and we donned our fleece for a run/walk with the dogs before school on our favorite paths. As we laughed, I realized the silver lining to all of this. I am now able to give more energy to HoneyGirl, helping her to prepare for the transition to high school work and act as a sounding board as she develops new friendships and interests. She wants to delve even deeper into art, and has recently picked up Buzz's abandoned acoustic guitar, trying to teach herself with You tube instruction videos.

The longer I walked, the more excited I became about the new dynamics. For the first time in ages, I am choosing to be free of the unnecessary drama from Buzz. That isn't saying that I am going to stop all duties as mother and teacher. But it is saying that I have stopped "mothering" him.
Our relationship has, in fact, reached a state that is not mutually beneficial to me. And I refuse to martyr myself to anyone.

Buzz, on the other hand, is not so excited about the changes. He did ask first thing if he could postpone his regularly scheduled biology test because he hadn't studied on Sunday. He had the time, but chose to watch football. Unlike the past, he knew that my "no" meant "NO" , and didn't launch into a long pleading presentation of all the reasons I needed to give him a break. (Or maybe it was having my best friend sitting at the table having tea that stopped what would have been a very embarrassing scene).

The epiphany for me is that I might actually have been enabling some of his most annoying habits and our constant fighting through my deep desire for him to succeed. I wanted him to do well for his sake, of course, but also to prove to everyone that homeschooling was a great choice and I was doing a great job. Realization now is that his success at this point has little to do with the job I have done...and I'm done worrying about getting the blame.

Buzz told me that he feels as if I am abandoning my duties as a mother over one mistake. (see the manipulation at play here?) I clarified, for the first time in years, how my extra help was a gift, and nothing that he was entitled to receive. He was not quite thrilled to hear that I feel I have continued it far too long to his detriment out of fear or guilt, but that I was not stepping back to give him the opportunity to stand on his own merit.

He asked then what this new focus means, and I simply said that he needs to be responsible for himself without using me for a crutch. It's better that he learns to do this now, while at home, than when he is living away. It is better that now he goes to his father for any questions first.

Throughout the day, though, I began creating a mental list and I felt a weight lifting off of me. I will not be wasting energy ensuring that he has done all his assignments for other classes, or for me here at home. I won't worry if he has forgotten his planning or paperwork for Scouts. I won't be running around last minute to get him supplies he should have asked for days prior, so he can finish a project he procrastinated on for week.

Additionally, I no longer will listen to the drama and politics when he has difficulty getting along with peers. I will not overburden my busy schedule to volunteer in leadership capacity for his activities. He can now drive, so I also can take chauffeur off the list as well, and let KingBee in charge of permissions and curfews.

By evening, I was feeling transformed. KingBee came home and seems to feel nothing is amiss, so there was no need to damped my good mood with explanations or argument. Honey asked me to read her current fiction, and help her with a section she was having difficulty arranging. And for the first time in a long while, I didn't have to feel conflicted about giving her my full concentration. She hasn't said as much, but I know that my intuitive girl is already realizing the benefits of time for both of us.

It is time, I think, to break out the needlework and start something new! I've got time and patience to spare!

"....Since I was Homeschooled" Cop-Out

Ever have one of those major blowouts with your significant other on parenting that throws you for a major loop? Yesterday was one such blowout for me; or actually , another one in a long chain over since last weekend. Each day, the argument that never settled had been building to a point where I realize that DH and I are not only not on the same page, but we are not even reading from the same book!

So for those of you who seem to think that QueenBee has a perfectly smooth hive dripping with honey and goodness, read on. Unfortunately, there are a lot of stingers in my hive as well....

You see, as wise a young soul as HoneyGirl is and as smooth as our relationship flows, I have the opposite dynamic with BuzzBoy. Buzz came into my life at 2 years old, and has a dear and tortured heart through his parent's divorce. I've been able to be the mother to him that his own was unwilling or incapable of being, and I tried my best to step in all around.

Some kids, though, have difficulties with the normal shaping processes of growth. Buzz has always had problems owning his mistakes without blaming others. This is a challenge for most parents, as the child truly fights growth against all logic. Unfortunately, being a step-parent has made it doubly difficult, because even the simplest of issues is mentally transformed into a big drama by pulling the "child of divorce" card. Surely, there are valid and residual emotional issues that stem from divorce, but in my experience, none of them is the direct cause of leaving plates in your room!

So, it is safe to say that he and I have always struggled with an antagonistic relationship whenever a disagreement arose. But, despite all the arguments, there was this darling big-hearted boy. That boy, when free of the bravado and challenge, was worth every single fight. Over the years, we began to see more and more of him, and the arguments lessened. I accepted the fact that Buzz would probably have issues of inadequacy for years that he needed to focus on me, until he was strong enough to deal directly with his issues of his birth mother's actions. I can deal with that.
I hold out hope that when he has passes through that, he and I will reach a new level of understanding and peace between us.

But in the last few months, a new dynamic has readed its' ugly head in the home. While it is normal for any teen drawing near to college to become anxious and full of questions over their future, a new mantra has arisen in our home. Let's call it the "....since I was homeschooled" excuse.

Here's an example of the myriad of ways this excuse can be used. Last week, KingBee, Buzz and I went to an open house for the science department of a local college. It was a very impressive program, as state schools go, with lots of opportunity for personalized discussions with professors, staff, and students.

After realizing how challenging the requirments for pre-engineering and/or physics were, Buzz said "That's going to be really challenging since I was homeschooled." I corrected that physics is a challenging major for any student, because of the subject matter, but that he could do it. I encouraged him to believe in himself, and remember that he will have a leg up on most other students as he will be taking a few college level classes next year.

KingBee contradicts, telling me that it will indeed be harder for him since he was homeschooled and hasn't had a much experience in a classroom. I explain that college is where independent learners have an edge over kids who are just rote learners, and Buzz will do fine. They both disagree, so I suggest that it isn't beneficial starting out giving excuses before even trying.

To quell their growing apprehension, we all go over to a few of the students and discuss the rigors of hte program. They alleviate a lot of fears, explaining the peer study groups with assigned tutors, a 9:1 student ratio, and professors who really strive for the kids to succeed. With everyone feeling a bit better, we move on.

Further walking on the campus tour brings us to the student activity board. Buzz begins getting excited, seeing all the different opportunities. I share my own college experience, that if you look at college as your day job Monday-Thurs, studying between classes and then for two hours after dinner, you can have the weekends free for fun. "That's great, because I haven't been able to have a social life and have a lot of catching up to do since I was homeschooled."

We round the bend, and realized that it is Homecoming Weekend. Buzz's eyes light up. He tells KingBee that he thinks it would be the coolest thing in the world to be on the football team. KingBee tells him "You should try out, because you haven't had any sports opportunities to since you were homeschooled."

I interject, with trepidation, as I know I am watching a testosterone-induced male bonding vision. KingBee had been a semi-pro player, and if he had been given the opportunity for college, would have been full scholarship despite not playing his last two years of when he was sent to a private Christian school. Buzz, however, has not played organized football since he was ten, because he didn't like getting hurt. Still, I know the male egos of a somewhat geeky kid who dreams of being the jock, and a father wishing to live vicariously through his son.

With my best effort at diplomacy, I suggest "as a former collegiate athlete, I really don't know if that is such a good idea. Playing a sport at this level requires a huge time commitment. You had both expressed concerns over the academic demands an hour ago, and this would seriously cut into his time with little reward."

I was promptly told that being known as a member of the football team would be the reward, and that I couldnt understand all he has "missed out on since he was homeschooled. " When I pointed out that he had the opportunity to play football for any number of local park teams, as well as for the high school for the last six years, I was told that it wasn't the same.

My logical mind is flipping out here...wondering what my husband is thinking. I mean, this school recruits heavily from a pool of kids who have been playing tackle football for seven to ten years, and have developed both a toughness and stamina. Having a winning season on Madden for Playstation does not equate an adequate knowledge of defensive and offensive schemes. I love Buzz, but I am also objective enough to know that he is not exactly football material.

I try a different approach, reminding them both of the wonderful opportunities through the intermural programs that would give him the camraderie of a team without taking so much time away from academics.
Both look at me like I'm an idiot, because that is not the same thing. Scout informs me that there is no homecoming or cheerleaders for intermurals, and he has missed out of breaking through a banner "since he was homeschooled."

At this point, I have lost some of my tact. I remind both of them that it is generally the starters that break through the banner, though I was able to stop myself before saying "not the walk-on third stringers." I realize that this is stemming from both of their "little brains" ; filled with visions of hot co-eds with pom-poms.

I elect to drop the subject, realizing that there is no reasoning when the bloodflow to the large brain is so impeded. Besides, we are a senior year of community college classes away from the reality of walk-on college football.

Still, I realize with grave concern that there was a whole lot of homeschool blame throughout the day. This is worrisome on many levels, but most of all because each and every year we decided as a family to continue homeschooling, and there had always been the option for him to return to a traditional setting. This far down the road, it seems as if both have conveniently decided that I alone made these decisions, and a lot of pro-active blame is being thrown around.

This weekend, unfortunately, another similar issue reared its' ugly head again. About a month ago we went to a homeschool bowling with a new group. Honey had met a few of the high school kids over the summer and become friends, but this was Buzz's first time (he had been working).

I could tell he was feeling a little awkward about knowing no one, and encouraged him to just be himself as they were nice kids. Unfortunately, he chose to don the "I'm so cool" bravado. Nothing I have said can convince him that his defense mechanism chases more folks away than encourages them to get to know him, and unfortunately, he effectively chases the majority of the nicer kids away. I did notice that at the end, there was only one young girl left listening to his stories.

A few weeks after bowling, one of the parents of this new group contacted me with a concerned message from her daughters. Apparently Buzz had begun talking regularly with this young girl on Facebook, and she had been lying to him about her age. They didn't want to pry, but thought he would want to know that said girl was 13, not the 15 she claimed. I confirmed the age with the parent, who has registration forms on all members of the group.

When I told Buzz, he said he was only being polite and was not interested in said girl at all. Unfortunately, I find out from KingBee this weekend that Buzz lied. He had asked the girl her age after speaking with me , and since she swore she wasn't lying, he decided the other girls and I were just trying to make trouble for him. They had begun making plans for when he was driving. When I explained the situation to KingBee, he said he would talk to him about the girl, as she is indeed too young.

I felt the bigger concern was his lack of respect and trust in me, as a parent. KingBee , however, felt that because I have been so negative about Buzz lately (football issue) it was perfectly understandable that he would doubt me. Stunned, I asked how the two issues could even be connected in either of their minds. The unfortunate reply was that " You don't realize how you have hindered his social life since he was homeschooled."

No need for a play by play, but suffice it to say that I lost it. Obviously, all the running around to social activities, clubs, practices, and get-togethers doesn't count. The open house policy I have always had with both kids friends doesn't seem to matter, nor the fact that their friends all seem to feel that we are two of the coolest parents around. KingBee feels that Buzz's difficulties making and keeping friends, both male and female, is my fault "since he was homeschooled."

HoneyGirl bravely steps into the room and asks if she can make a comment. She points out to KingBee that she has lots of friends, and she was homeschooled longer than Buzz and has a lot less activities. KingBee listens, but stands firm. She offers that Buzz tends to be kind of arrogant around other people, and while KingBee weighs this, he claims that if he had gone to school he would be different. Honey adds, "Maybe yes, or maybe he would be a bigger jerk," before leaving defeated. Sigh.

So., it seems that I have been officially scapegoated for all of Buzz real or anticipated academic and social inadequacies in both KingBee and Buzz's eyes. While convenient for both of them, I am completely unwilling to bear that burden. A long and most unpleasant argument ensued, which has left me emotionally exhausted and disillusioned. I am too blindsided by this to just continue on without some sort of changes , if for nothing more than self-preservation.

After a day alone of mixed pondering, prayer, and lots of tears, I've told KingBee that the relationship between Buzz and I has deteriorated to such a degree that it isn't benefical for either of us if I stay the primary person involved in his academic and social life. I can't be blamed for being negative for every correction made as a teacher yet held responsible for preparing him for higher academics. Even a friendly reminder of a test the next day is portrayed as negative picking.

I'm stepping back, forcing KingBee to step up and take the handle on this. Maybe they need a bit of time together to work through this, man style. I'm too exhausted to even want to go there anymore. Instead,
I will do the only positive thing I can do, and enjoy the extra time with HoneyGirl. And spend some time pulling the stingers out...cause they sure hurt.

Keep your Dysfunction to yourself!

Poor HoneyGirl is having a tough time of it with friends lately.

Last weekend, her BFF father had arranged for her to stay with us, as he was to be out of town for business. He is in the midst of an ugly divorce, where there is no cooperation. She planned for three weeks, coming up with all sorts of fun activities. Unfortunately, neither father or daughter decided to inform the mother of these arrangements until two days before .

Then, the night before (and after Dad is on a plane) to cancel the plans because she wants to leave for the weekend with the older daughter, leaving BFF to watch the 7yr old. I cannot imagine this girl being responsible for watching the younger, wilder sibling while the others trot out of state, but it isn't my call. A back and forth ensues for two hours over the girl's texts, where the mother (refusing to call me like an adult) asserts that I need to watch both kids for three day weekend for her or nothing at all. Not willing to go there, as we would be gone most of Saturday, plans were cancelled.

Halloween was supposed to be trick-or-treating with a bunch of friends in collaborative costumes of a Tim Burton theme, a sleepover party followed up with a trip to a local theme park's Halloween Scream today. She has been working on her costume for a week, proudly doing it all herself. Then Thursday night, I get a call from the mother that it is all cancelled because her daughter is grounded. Seems that the daughter had snuck her phone to text friends this week to make final plans. It had been taken away a MONTH before because she made the mistake of texting once during school hours.

As I sat with Honey, her frustration is almost as big as her disappointment. When you have a fourteen year old wishing aloud for friends who aren't from dysfunctional families, you know it is time for a big heart to heart.

She sat with me, snuggling, asking many practical questions.

Don't these kids know not to push their overstrict parent? Haven't they learned to give them lots of warning on plans so that they don't feel like it's being sprung on them?

And why are the parents so hyper-controlling with such ridiculously long punishments for small mistakes? Don't they know they just about force their kids into sneaking and lying to them because they feel so suffocated?
Don't they realize that kids would respect reasonable punishments more?


Problem is, I can only commiserate, as I wonder the same things. I would never cancel a party involving so many other kids the day before. I suggested starting the punishment the day after to the mom (a long-time friend), but she wanted her daughter's friends to hold her accountable for her actions as well. Sigh!

I see this far too often...parents who foolishly feel that wielding power over their kids is going to gain them respect. Kids are going to make mistakes. And if the punishment matches the mistake, they are made uncomfortable enough to encourage change, while still maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship.

Honey wasn't really interested in trying to make other plans after that for trick-or-treating. Thankfully, her computer was back from repair and upgrade (more memory ), so she planned a night in gaming online with out-of- state friends. When the trick-or-treaters started arriving, she ran inside to dress up in her costume to hand out candy. She so enjoyed all the little kids, and we had a nice time reminiscing over Halloween memories from the past.

DUring a downtime, she hugged me, and thanked me for being a "just right" kind of parent. She shared that while she will still be friendly with these long time friends, she doesn't want to spend her teen years constantly having plans cancelled. This happened all summer long, and while it isn't totally the kids' fault, she's tired of being affected by problems not her own. We are going to make a point to pursue further other budding friendships with kids from healthy families. As Honey said, "Keep your dysfunction to yourself!"

We've got another driver in the house!

Buzz Boy's driving test appointment finally arrived yesterday afternoon. He had a healthy bit of nerves, but with all the driving he has done, was confident. He passed with flying colors, and even thanked me for encourging to take the little Saturn instead of the huge Navigator (I would have totally blown the parallel parking in that beast! ) .

Way to go Buzz!

Curricula Dilemma for Homeschool Science Revisited

For years I have struggled to find a scientifically sound yet affordable science curricula for middle and high schoolers. Every year, I hold out hope that someone is going to see this huge hole in our market, and fill the niche.

Last night, our co-op offered a workshop on "Homeschooling the High Schooler." Our state, PA, has some very definite academic requirements to fill for high schoolers: 4 English, 3 math (including algebra and geometry); 3 science (including biology and chemistry), American and World history, as well as number of other electives in humanities, PE and health. This can seem quite daunting to homeschoolers considering the high school years, so we hoped the informational seminar would show people just how easy it can be.

At the same time, I have been in the process of trying to create a four-year rotation for our co-op , so that parents could plan ahead for those subjects that they did not wish to teach at home or would just prefer covered in a classroom setting. As director, I am seeking opinion and feedback from parents as well as the teachers in creating this rotation to ensure that we are offering classes that meet the needs of our families.

I am finding that upper level science is again proving to be a dilemma, especially for an ecumenical group like ours. Our group is strongly committed to academic excellence and our core classes are geared toward college preparation. Apologia curricula is without a doubt the most popular science curricula for homeschoolers, but it's extreme New Earth Creationist bend is hard to swallow even for many devout Catholics, let alone secularists. Traditional high school materials, while less problematic in that middle area where science and faith overlap, is extremely costly for families and ridiculously expensive for teaching materials. Computer based courses are a nice middle ground, but limit the need for an instructor and class.

As director, I realize that I am faced with a near impossible task. There is no way to please everyone. In talking with the upper level science teachers (one an MD; the other PhD) I find them diametrically opposed on curricula as well. Sigh . The best option: allow each teacher to choose their own curricula, asking each to take the time to write up a brief outline to their position/method of teaching on those touchy issues like evolution, Creation that will be available for parents who ask. Those who are not comfortable with either can elect to teach the class at home (as I have done in the past). The lab portion of each will be open for students opting for a different text at home, with approval. Sigh!

I challenge those academics out there to strongly consider the challenge to step up and fill that need for the homeschooling community!!! I bet you'd be surprised at how profitable it could be for you.

Halloween Dream

My creative writing class has been studying the elements of tone and mood, using Edgar Allan Poe's "The Raven." It might seem a daunting poem for middle schoolers if we were focusing on analysis, but it is ideal to illustrate how word choice and meter can be used together to create something really creepy!

Their assignment last week was to take a stab at it themselves, by creating either a five stanza poem or five paragraph narrative (minimum) in Poe's style. As usual, they challenged me to the same. I generally look at these challenges as "one more thing" for my overflowing to-do list, I actually had a blast with this. Sharing....


Halloween Dream

Amidst the autumn leaves a' rustling,
Comes the howls of spirits bustling.
Waking from their haunted slumber
To hues of gold, orange and umber.
As an inner compass points them,
Guides them to my humble door.

Early on bright smiles abound
Costumed innocents dance all around.
Politely prancing amongst lighted gourds
Like miniature ladies with their lords.
Laughing gaily on their swift ascent,
Drawing near my cottage door.

I watch them file down the leaf-strewn street,
Bonfires flicker; the mood complete.
I organize baskets, bowls, and trays
Of heaping, confectionery displays
I listen for the expectant knocking.
Rapping hopeful at my humble door.

Two young cowboys in red bandana;
Seven Hanna's, all from Montana.
Ninjas, puppies, stars in jewels
Witches, goblins, ghosts and ghouls.
I greet them, smiling; how I adore!
I tell them gladly,
“Take More, Take More!”

There were noble knights and a tortured queen,
A hoard of pirates from the Caribbean.
From Frankenstein to Mickey Mouse,
All descend upon my house
In search of sugared, sweet surprise
Waiting just behind my door.

With “Trick or Treat” upon their lips
And sacks of goodies on their hips,
Jovial masks hid the inner wanting
Of these spirits , oh so haunting.
A darkness lingers in their eyes
Piercing my soul with dread surprise
Unease became the mask I wore,
As I tell them,
“Take More, Take More! “

This grand parade of costumed feet
Kept marching faster, down my street
Frenzied forces quickly gather
All possessed by chocolate lather.
Glancing down, with grave foreboding
My cache of goodies; their hands unloading
Still they crash in waves galore,
I tell them feebly,
“Take More, Take More.”

My bowl of candy, quickly depleting
I weigh the option of retreating
From these grasping clawing creatures,
Adorned to hide their inner features
I tremble meekly behind my door
When I must tell them,
“There is no more.”

Those few words strike dark and quick
Sudden fog rises, dense and thick.
Angry tricksters without treats
Bang the glass, demanding sweets
I huddle, frightened, on the floor
As the costumed mob chants at the door,
Screaming as a demon choir,
“Give Us More”

The riotous throng continues growing
Louder torments , attacks they're throwing.
Their smiles replaced with ghoulish stares
If zombies mad for sugared fares
Overflowing porch and path
I shiver as I watch their wrath
Quickly rise to bolt the door,
To their building chants,
“Give Us More!”

Robin's Men, now far from merry
Circle round, their mood contrary
Princesses, once so demure
Hurl venomous taunts, hardly pure
Scaling walls, they shake my core,
I fret inside,
“There is No More.”

Lucifer's Hound! What sin so vile
That I deserve such tormented trial!
I hurriedly throw ope' the cupboard,
With sanguine bid, appease this hoard.
Macaroni or cans of soup
Will never calm this frothing group!
Outside the pulsing chorus implore,
“Give Us More! Give Us More!”

From the back I hear glass shatter
I need not look to know the matter.
The restless mob is closing in
Chanting o'er and o'er again,
“Give Us More”, endless repeat
I run and stumble in retreat.
Resigned I cower on the floor,
Knowing that there is no more.

A chainsaw motor rips to life
Soon to end my worried strife.
Great irony my life so fleet
Killed by those possessed with sweet.
As I prepare my flesh for coring
I hear not screams, but someone snoring?
My mind flings open this coma's door,
As dawning reveals a mighty snore.

Bated breath escapes with relief
Eyes blink back tears of disbelief.
Horrible dream! So soon surmised.
The night of mischief not yet realized.
A chuckle escapes, then a shiver.
I shudder, yet seek a merchant to deliver,
Safe, but still, I call the store,
My mind suggests,
“Get More, Get More!”

Dyslexia...beyond reading and writing

Honeygirl was unofficially diagnosed with dyslexia five years ago. After a brief panic and visit to the local school , I quickly realized that the best option for her was for me to learn how to help her adapt and continue homeschooling.

In the following two years, we tried many alternative methods, helping her ot make connections and practice through baby steps. It was a lot of hard work for her, but by the end of fifth grade, she was reading ABOVE grade level. Most importantly, she has developed the ability to read for pleasure, something I had thought impossible a few years before.

The next two years, we focused on her writing skills. She needed special help developing her own way to organize her thoughts, as well as practice to strengthen her fine motor skills. She took to the keyboard like a duck to water. Two years later, she was writing organized stories and papers on the computer, and she had begun teaching herself cursive.

And I sat around, praising her and patting myself on the back. Ignorantly, I was guilty of assuming that since she could read and write, her dyslexia issues were gone. Yet this year HoneyGirl is facing new and different presentations, now in math. We selected Math U See, as Buzz has been having great success with it for three years now, and the workbook format is extremely helpful (less chance for copying mistakes). I was admittedly too distracted to pick up on it quickly, and fell into the habit of pressuring her to focus more and stop being lazy. The more I did that, the more frustrated she became. Instead of looking for the source of the frustration, I compounded my error in assuming it was just hormones.

Last week's illness gave me a little time to slow down enough to really see that her problem's were not for lack of trying. PreAlgebra, with all of its' parenthesis, powers, and negative signs is a mine field for a dyslexic to wade through every day. Conceptually, she understands well, but there are just so many things for her to visually take in it is overwhelming.

I got some great advice from a dear friend (a special education professional and homeschool mom). This year I need ot help HoneyGirl not only to develop new adaptation in math, but to find productive ways to channel her frustration on a daily basis. Most of all, I need to slow down and trust her input. This year is critical for her self-esteem, and accelerated academic pressure from Mom is not going to help.

After an infamous Bee Family pow-wow, we decided to give extra time to math. We are going to try some different tactics, like using red to make parenthesis stand out, etc. until we find one that works. We are also going to start allowing her to use a calculator for basic computations when learning new concepts, so that her energy can be focused on the skill at hand, instead of being misdirected into long division,etc. I am giving her my undivided attention from 11-1 pm for this, as it is a strong learning time for her. While it probably wont' ever take that long, having a larger block of time is helpful so she doesn't feel rushed.

Honey admitted that she has been struggling with lots of anger, because she is just so tired of having to work five times harder at everything. She agrees that she needs an outlet, and after much discussion, wants to take up running. We talked with one of the moms from the co-op who is a physical therapist and marathon runner, and she was happy to work up a program to get her started out right.

We have that great dog-friendly park with grass trails that is all but vacant during mid-day. This week, we went twice after math; her running ahead with our Bernese/Rottie mix, and me walking behind iwth our overweight Golden Retreiver. She and Bear played ball in the field when they were done with their 2-mile walk/run, waiting for us. It's a win-win all around.

On a positive note, she has decided that she wants to counteract her feelings of frustration with math by stepping up and taking more individual responsibility for her other subjects after last weeks' success. After our walk on Wednesday, she sat down at the computer to work on her spooky narrative. After an hour, she was still typing away when Buzz and I went out on errands. She was still writing, hours later, when we returned, proudly printing off her three page rough draft. (it was a five paragraph assignment!)

I am constantly relearning that I need to bend myself to embrace the positives that she creates, and let go of my own constructs. We've both been much happier this week, and of now small consequence, math was a breeze as well.

Seeing the Light at the End of the Tunnel...

That metaphor has deep and varied meanings for me this week.
The obvious is that I am finally almost on top of things again after my bug. My kids did a great job taking care of themselves and feeding us, so that I could rest and recover quickly. But, I was still left with two weeks of other folks' kids work to correct, the next month's lessons to plan, and a challenge from my class to write a narrative poem in the style of Edgar Allan Poe (we've been studying "The Raven", and we're all inspired!)

Add to that all the administrative and planning duties of the co-op, and for next week's parent's informational meeting on "Homeschooling the Highschooler." This is also the final week before our big pancake fundraiser for BoyScouts as well, so I have been called away to planning meetings and set-ups as well. I cannot stress enough how much I want my over-committed October to be over!

Still, the week has not been a rushed chaos. I've been sleeping in. HoneyGirl has decided to continue doing most of her work independently, except math. It is a real positive move for her, as she has been struggling to develop some new and necessary coping skills. I had a very insightful and constructive conversation with a dear friend who is also a specialist with learning disabilities, and found that I had been inadvertantly mislabeling new issues, or presentations, of her dyslexia. We have totally shifted focus with some new techniques, and have had a wonderful week. I'll post more in detail on that later.

At the same time, I've been profoundly aware that I am in the final stretch with BuzzBoy. As I put together that American HIstory syllabus, I was all too aware that he could, according to the academic requirements of the state and his diploma program, graduate at the end of this year. Early graduation is a bit spooky to ponder.

Buzz made a point to ask what direction he would be taking next year multiple times this week. I assured him that we will not be shipping him off to school any earlier than planned. He seemed much relieved. He wants to try his hand at a few community college classes, and take some additional classes at the co-op purely for interest while he researches colleges and finishes his Eagle project.

Later this morning, Buzz, KingBee and I will spend the morning at an University Open House sponsored by the Science Department at his "safe" school. Not his first choice, but a solid and affordable school that is close enough to the area that he could come home occasionally with little trouble. Its a smaller school than the others, and a great place for Buzz to begin his search.

A relaxing November is so close, and soon enough, Buzz will be graduated and moving into the world. How is it that the days seems to go so slowly, but the years too quickly?