Healing and Celebrating

This has been of both healing and celebrating. I turned inward for the majority of the week, focusing on my duties as a mom and teacher. HoneyGirl has been struggling with health issues, which peaked this past Tuesday at their worst. After a myriad of tests, we are now keeping her on a dairy free diet, and are seeing results.
We celebrated yesterday with our co-op's "Not Back to School" picnic. We had glorious weather, and over 80 folks turned out! It was an amazing pot luck meal, some great games for the kids. Most of all, it was a great time for the adults to visit and enjoy relaxing together. My heart was welling over, looking at so many homeschooled kids in *their* community, ages pre-K to high school grad (even a few alumni showed up late in the day--such a nice surprise!)

*I took most of my pictures using my film camera, but these are a few from my digital. Honeygirl is below left in hot pink and jeans, with her tell-tale long tresses.

The Practice of Being Present

How often a day do you find yourself driving in the car with one of your children, yet miles away in thought? Do you find yourself trying to review math with your child, while a dozen items of your mental to-do list keep invading your focus? Can you lose yourself worrying about future choices, instead of simply focusing on today?

Being "present" is a huge problem for me. I am sure that it has something to do with trying to juggle too many things at one time, but that isn't the crux of it. The truth is that I often make poor choices with my time that catch up with me later when I end up trying to do five things at a time to ensure I make deadlines. Instead of completing three 20-minute tasks in an alotted hour, I will procrastinate by losing myself in a book, chatting on the phone, lingering on blogger for thrice the time it would have taken. When I should be focused on instruction, I continually lose my thought as the lingering duties are still wafting in my head. I have little patience and am not fully present (not qualities of a great educator!). Later, I will then frustrate myself by trying to complete all the tasks while fulfilling other responsiblities. Stupid!

I've recognized this about myself, and I have been working hard to change it. I really have plenty of time to do the required tasks for my business and everything else in my life I am finding that when I just sit down and do the business tasks at the beginning of my day, before anything else but coffee, my whole persepective changes. I am usually surprised at how quick and simple the work was, and I feel freed to be "present" , whether it is while schooling or playing. As an early riser, there is a significant amount that I can accomplish in the four hours before before 9am.

Instead of interrupting non-office time with work, I am notoriously carrying around a notepad where I jot down reminders of things that need attention. While dinner is cooking, I will review it and take care of any quick concerns (email correspondence, etc) but otherwise, I make a to do list for the next morning. Then I put it all away, not to be looked at until I rise.

The rest of my time I am working very hard at being present for my family and myself. I am noticing dramatic changes immediately in our homeschooling. Honey is understanding her math lessons the first time, which is not at all common . I wonder if my distracted mind was contibuting to her confusion? While she does quite a bit independently, I am making myself mentally available to her throughout. I will address menial tasks, like menu planning or mending, so that when she comes with questions or wanting discussion, I do not struggle to tear myself away from a focused train of thought, giving her partial attention.

Why is this so important? Because I have realized that I have, at times, been a bit of a hypocrite about her education. I claim that nothing is more important to me, yet I am painfully aware at how often I was responding to her inquiries in the quickest fashion possible. How wrong to squash her curiosity or excitement over an insight because I had too much to do!!!

Moreover, I find that we are having dynamic conversations all the time now that I am present. She wants to run errands with me in the afternoons , because we now discuss current events and movies, history and writing. We are having more fun, and I am actually getting more accomplished in every area. I still find in the evenings time to lose myself in a book or hobby, and can enjoy these without residual guilt.

Each day I will strive to live more of my life in the present, for the rewards are great!

A Day To Celebrate!

Yesterday was HoneyGirl's 15th Birthday. It is hard to believe that the years a flying by so quickly. Yet, I am blessed to see such amazing growth and maturity each and everyday. I am relishing each and every day that she is still at home!

Both DH and I realized that the drama of the past weeks (years) has been tremendously unfair to Honey. She isn't a divisive factor in the home, yet has to sit by and watch in frustration as others choose to all around her.

She, KingBee and I had an amazing bonding night on Thursday, where she finally aired all her fears and anger in a safe place. It was both heart-breaking and heart warming to hear her open up to her father.

We both agreed that our family is more important than continuing to fight over the same issues . We want a peaceful home, and HoneyGirl deserves to not be subject to all of this.
We committed to giving Honey one huge gift for her birthday...a home without fighting. DH also gave her an early gift...Bamboo Fun. Its the coolest computer link drawing pad ever (although Staples was carrying it for $99 at hte time)

I then contacted one of her good friends to see if she could spend Saturday with us, and KingBee set out to find a surpise activity. ON her birthday morning, I made her a banner and set out the other gifts. When she woke , I got out hte waffle iron and made her favorite waffles.

We picked up her girlfriend and went shopping a bit. We came home to pick up the boys for the big surprise...indoor go cart racing. Only the girls raced in the junior division. The first race began with trepidation, until they figured out how both the course and cars worked. Then, they really began to pick up speed and confidence. They both had the best time of their lives!

(Buzz has played Speed Racer the day before, getting a huge speeding ticket and points. We decided he need to just watch the girls instead.)

We came home and ordered in chinese food, and they played rock band until very late.
Honey had a wonderful birthday, and we had a great day as a family unit. Here's to a new start!

Should've Knocked on Wood....

I really should have , at least before I wrote the last post. Because all hell broke loose in the house over the weekend. Building drama from Buzz's new friend and behavior choices became a huge battle between hubby and I.

Unfortunately, some really hurtful accusations were madeWe've come to an agreement, but the enormity of the space between my Dh & I over this will take a bit of mending.

Nothing like a lot of drama and heartache days before the opening of the co-op. I struggled to get everything prepared and ready, but I have a great partner (thanks Laurel) and a great team of teachers and helpers. Maybe having something pressing was a good thing, for I had to force myself away from the situation. Somehow, we were able to pull it all together in time.

Our first day of year two went well, considering that we have over 40 additional students. The returning kids were helpful and welcoming, and I believe we will fall into a flow quickly. Next week, we already have over 90 signed up for our "Not Back to School " picnic! Best part, is two of our new moms have organized the entire thing for the group.

I have to say that being back surrounded by friends and students all day was very good for both Honey and I. We know that we have this huge support network, and a few friends that are loyal beyond words no matter how infrequent our visits over the summer. On the ride home , she mentioned that the healthiest thing for she and I is to focus on our year. I wholeheartedly agree. Immersing ourselves in the positive is the best choice right now.

Smooth Sailing Days

Do I dare write about how smooth sailing our week has been? It's been far too lovely to risk jinxing it. Still, I am in such amazement that this smooth sort of week could actually become the new norm here.

I knew there would be a different dynamic with only one child, especially when that one is so easy-going. I wake early, have coffee with correspondence, and put in a few hours of work before my late riser is up. We have breakfast together, and discuss her work. We also discuss current events or concerns before she begins.

At this point, she does a great deal of her work independently. We do math review together for the first two weeks, but I suppose even that will lessen once she begins Teaching Textbooks. I am able to do lesson planning, pay bills, cut coupons, etc. while she works her way through her assignments. We chat and joke in between, but the attitude is the amazing thing. She's happy to be engaged in learning and wants to do well.

Since she is happy and engaged in her learning, she's doing it well. There are no nagging nor quarrels; there is no air of tension. It's awful to admit how much I allowed Buzz's lazy attitude toward school become such a negative in our days. While I don't regret that I held the line of academic standards, I do regret the toll the constant battling took on our days. I mourn the years of time wasted redoing or catching up , because we all missed such opportunities for fun.

Now, it seems, we have a second chance. I am much more relaxed. My whole attitude has changed about the simpliest things. I am able to enjoy planning and cooking meals again, and I found myself singing while washing dishes a number of times this week. Since Honey is one to want to do things right the first time, we have a few hours of found time each day. Even with all my extra work this week, we found time for fun. We watched Prince Caspian and had a book to movie discussion. We took the dogs to the park to play. We grabbed books one afternoon and read until we fell asleep from the crisp breezes.

Honey is focusing on finding some new outlets for herself as well. She had her first meeting iwth a new Venture Crew, and we are both pleased with the leadership and the teens. Next month, she will go white water rafting and on a haunted hayride with them. She's suddenly ready to trade in her ever-present flipflops for a new pair of hiking boots and head off. I like that this crew is older (14-19), most former boy and girl scouts , who just want to get together for some good clean fun and adventure.

Life is good!

Creating A Framework for Discussion Based Course

Sociology has become Honey's more fascinating subject in break-neck time. Each time we venture out of the house, or watch a film, she is keenly aware of cultural/social themes and wants to explore them further.

I have started a journal to record many of these discussions and concepts taught. I quickly realized that my memory has lapsed a great deal since my college sociology class. WHile i believe this discussion format will be most helpful , at least one of us needs to know what they are talking about for it to be a worthwhile endeavor.

I needed to create a framework for our discussions, without hindering the spontaneous interest based learning that is happening. I also needed to give myself a reference point to answer questions and introduce related concepts. As always, I turned to the internet first.

I began by Googling "sociology syllabus" for high school. I came across a number, but this one from an honors soc class in Wisconsin really stood out. I loved how the instructor had not only explained the goals and objectives for the course, but had done so chapter by chapter, outlining the key conepts and essential question. This is could easily incorporate into our dialogues.

I noticed that the course used a college text, Sociology: In our Times. I jumped over to Paperback swap, and quickly requested a copy of the text from there. This will be my reference. I love using college texts, for they usually have excellent online resources from the publisher. This one even has practice student quizzes, that are quite simple to cut and paste into a printable document for use in portfolios.

Additionally, I did a few more searches on "intro to sociology lecture notes" and came up with a couple of helpful sites from professors who have been so kind as to put their notes online. (I'm amazed at how easy this would make the college experience, without trying to guess what material will be expected of you for the exams, but I digress) These are great for me to review before introducing a topic, so that I can explain a key concepts more easily.

The nice thing about this conversational sort of dynamic is that there are no plans set in stone. An idea will arise naturally, we will discuss it. I can refer to these resources to find information or new concepts to add to discussion, deepening understanding. Still, the student continues to steer the ship, ensuring that they will always be engaged with the process.

I find this framework works very well in recording the learning for portfolios. But more importantly, it continually aides the student in keeping learning moving forward. Using a sailing analogy, the captain can't steer without navigation or wind. I provide those, and let her make her own journey.

Book Gem: Sophie's World

A stumbled across the most wonderful book and wanted to share. Sophie's World by Jostein Gaarder is a fictional story of a young girl who embarks on a secret course in the history of philosophy through letters. It had been an international best seller, so I threw it in with an order for shiggles.

The idea intriqued me, and I was not disappointed. It is exactly the perfect sort of introduction to philosphy that I wanted for HoneyGirl. The book has a comfortable pace, yet Gaarder's background as a philosophy teacher ensures solid teaching of concepts.

I began reading it alone, and quickly decided to stop and order another copy for Honey. This is the perfect book for reading a chapter at a time, digesting the ideas overnight and discussing over afternoon hike or tea. As one of Honey's personal objectives for the year, this book is ideal for honing the skill of note taking as well. Check it out!

Expanding the Conversation

It seems that this conversation on "cool" has really sparked a fire in Honey. I left early to do some work at the co-op, allowing her to sleep in. When I arrived home yesterday after a morning of work, she had already been outlining some ideas for our lunch discussion on the topic.

Lucky for me I had mentioned the conversation offhandedly to a friend who teaches philosophy at another local college that morning. She suggested I introduce the concept of the bell curve to Honey. When I explained how it works to Honey, and applied it to the concept of intellegence, she was fascinated.

She asks many insightful questions, making sure she understood it thoroughly. She also double checked some of her facts about the education before the public system was put in place. I loved watching her mind digesting everything, between bites.

She was fairly quick to hypothesize that introduction of mandatory public education might the a contributing reason for the twisted concept of cool. I called her to expand and support her hypothesis. She had applied the concept of the bell curve in intellegence, to the fact that mandatory public education meant that not only the brighter, upper half of the curve went to school ,but the lower, less intelligent half. The mass of students was in the middle, the power would lay there. Since the masses would not like feeling stupid or less than those at the upper end, they used their power to develop a way to make themselves feel good about themselves: the concept of cool. They might not be able to change their intellegence, but they could create an artifical concept and make it desirable. Since they did not have the goods to be the best and brightest, they decided to set a simple set of standards that anyone could attain, if they had the nerve to break social standards. That is how "cool" got to be so twisted around.
(I have paraphrased this, deleting from her teenage speech all the "totally"'s and such.)

We took extra time after out appointment to drive through the park a bit, to work through these ideas further. I encouraged her to choose one notebook and start writing some of these ideas out, for her to work through over the year. I love this sort of deductive reasoning. She seemed so excited putting the ideas together as well.

She agreed that we should look into the book and movie recommendations from Jove (Thanks dear! ) . Another friend suggested the movie "The Gods Must Be Crazy," and we are adding that to our idea list. She wants to try to a new approach and add sociology this year, that is heavy on discussion and finding research that supports or disproves our hypothesis. It think it will be a great exercise in critical thinking, and a lot of fun for us both.

As such...any other movie or book suggestions are appreciated.

The Contradictory Concept of "Cool"

One of the many topics of conversation as we lie on the beach was the contradictory concept of "cool." We were watching three girls, around Honey's age, prance and carry on in an utterly ridiculous manner in hopes of gaining the attention of the college boy lifeguards.

"Do those girls not realize how foolish they look, carrying on like that? Don't they know that they are jailbait to those guys?, " Honey asked. We watched as they left the beach, each with matching belly button jewelry and too-tiny bikinis. They were not getting enough attention from these lifeguards, it seems, so felt hte need to conveniently drop something and bend over right in front of them. At the waist. With the thong backs facing them. Gag.

To give the lifeguards credit, they looked down and shook their own heads with disinterest, and just scanned the sea. The girls gave up and stomped back to their towels.

Our conversation then, began in earnest about behaviours that are totally inapporpriate, yet are deemed "cool " by a great part of our culture. We wondered if those lifeguards would have reacted differently if the young teens had been older versions giving the same performance.
The purpose would have been the same...sending a message of willingness to a stranger.

Honey wondered if behaviors were this forward when I was young, and I don't believe they were. We both concluded that the popular media with all its' tween appeal shows depict a certain image and example of bad behavior that is suddenly acceptable . Doesn't hte media understand the by pushing the envelope in what they do, they are also encouraging kids to imitate the same?

My budding sociologist points out she would like to study the twisted concept of "cool" someday. Why are all those activities and behaviors that modern teens view as "cool" in actuality all quite stupid? Smoking pot, drinking to drunkeness, permissive sexuality , and petty law breaking quickly come to mind. Even among those who try to stay away from illegal stuff can still be caught up in the inane superficial trappings of popularity such as clothing, hairstyles, and music trends.

Why aren't the kids who are acing Physics II and earning full ride academic scholarships the cool kids? Why is it so much more desirable to be able to catch a football than design websites? Why is the girl who shakes pom-poms considered so much more popular than the girl who spends her weekends volunteering? Why is more value placed on the ability to use a curling iron than the ability to make a fire without matches and hunt and fish? Why is the kid who has a handful of sexual conquests before he is old enough to vote considered cooler than the one who is waiting until he is mature enough to understand real love before going there?

We expanded our ponderings, thinking about those cultures that really valued ones that education and personal capabilities of self-sufficiency. There definitely seems to be common that in impoverished countries, education and practical skills are of higher value at a younger age. Maybe the reality of true hunger makes people see the bigger picture.

There might be something to the riduculous excess of adolescence, and a too common lack of work ethic instruction that leads to such a perversity in our culture. Honey is fascinated by so many facets of this, wanting to understand the psychology behind this problem. She mentions that she really doesn't understand a lot of the economic terms needed, but would like to learn.

We longer we ponder this contradiction together, the homeschooler in me starts to fan that fire in her. Do I dare step back from all these well laid plans for this year, and guide her toward this further? I offer such, and she shakes her head and smiles. "Mom, this is huge. It will take a LOT more time than a unit study. I'm thinking much bigger. I just want you to make sure that have enough background in economics, geography, sociology, and psych to maybe one day be able to write about all of this. Maybe a paper. Or a book. It might make a really interesting screenplay, if I develop the characters right. "

I smile back. Who knows if she will ever do any of those things? Really, that is not the point. I smile because I love the way she notices the world; how her mind wraps itself around a problem and wants to understand why things are as they are. She wouldn't be wanting fame or even to change the way the world is. She just wants to validate and empower those who are doing all the right things and making the smart choices. Now that really is "cool."