The Practice of Being Present

How often a day do you find yourself driving in the car with one of your children, yet miles away in thought? Do you find yourself trying to review math with your child, while a dozen items of your mental to-do list keep invading your focus? Can you lose yourself worrying about future choices, instead of simply focusing on today?

Being "present" is a huge problem for me. I am sure that it has something to do with trying to juggle too many things at one time, but that isn't the crux of it. The truth is that I often make poor choices with my time that catch up with me later when I end up trying to do five things at a time to ensure I make deadlines. Instead of completing three 20-minute tasks in an alotted hour, I will procrastinate by losing myself in a book, chatting on the phone, lingering on blogger for thrice the time it would have taken. When I should be focused on instruction, I continually lose my thought as the lingering duties are still wafting in my head. I have little patience and am not fully present (not qualities of a great educator!). Later, I will then frustrate myself by trying to complete all the tasks while fulfilling other responsiblities. Stupid!

I've recognized this about myself, and I have been working hard to change it. I really have plenty of time to do the required tasks for my business and everything else in my life I am finding that when I just sit down and do the business tasks at the beginning of my day, before anything else but coffee, my whole persepective changes. I am usually surprised at how quick and simple the work was, and I feel freed to be "present" , whether it is while schooling or playing. As an early riser, there is a significant amount that I can accomplish in the four hours before before 9am.

Instead of interrupting non-office time with work, I am notoriously carrying around a notepad where I jot down reminders of things that need attention. While dinner is cooking, I will review it and take care of any quick concerns (email correspondence, etc) but otherwise, I make a to do list for the next morning. Then I put it all away, not to be looked at until I rise.

The rest of my time I am working very hard at being present for my family and myself. I am noticing dramatic changes immediately in our homeschooling. Honey is understanding her math lessons the first time, which is not at all common . I wonder if my distracted mind was contibuting to her confusion? While she does quite a bit independently, I am making myself mentally available to her throughout. I will address menial tasks, like menu planning or mending, so that when she comes with questions or wanting discussion, I do not struggle to tear myself away from a focused train of thought, giving her partial attention.

Why is this so important? Because I have realized that I have, at times, been a bit of a hypocrite about her education. I claim that nothing is more important to me, yet I am painfully aware at how often I was responding to her inquiries in the quickest fashion possible. How wrong to squash her curiosity or excitement over an insight because I had too much to do!!!

Moreover, I find that we are having dynamic conversations all the time now that I am present. She wants to run errands with me in the afternoons , because we now discuss current events and movies, history and writing. We are having more fun, and I am actually getting more accomplished in every area. I still find in the evenings time to lose myself in a book or hobby, and can enjoy these without residual guilt.

Each day I will strive to live more of my life in the present, for the rewards are great!