Today is the last official day of co-op until the new year. As much as I love the kids and teaching, I am beyond ready for a break from it all. My own two have opted to finish up any assignments and their math/science mid terms, and then enjoy a break themselves.
I have really been struggling to find a little Christmas spirit this year. I have been so out of sorts that I have yet to get out the Christmas decorations or even go for the tree, something I always did eagerly Thanksgiving weekend. I've gotten a lot of shopping done, but have found myself in a rather depressing dilemma. You see, I will find absolutely perfect gifts for my mother, or any of my four grandparents that I can become genuinely excited about for a few moments, imagining their joy. The irony is that they have all passed on.
Which brings me to the core of my Bah Humbug mood--the ones I would really enjoy celebrating with not the ones that are left. The reality is that I am left trying to find obligatory gifts for other living family members that I don't like or enjoy very much due to their dysfunction. The obligatory gatherings are filling me with dread, because I have reached a point where I value my time more than the rules of holiday etiquette.
King Bee and I have been having some great conversations about this and are trying to come up with some solutions that work for our family. He has never known anything but his selfish and dysfunctional family , and I lost most of mine within the first five years we were together. I appreciate that he is now valuing our core families happiness over "what is expected", and hope that we can start building our own traditions.
Oddly, the most fun I have had all season is finding the gifts for my children's teachers at the co-op. Even with a very small budget, I was able to smile at finding unique gifts for all. I was thrilled to find lovely Lenox ornaments on 70% off, and we got them as thank you gifts for the teachers and helpers as well.
While I sat up last night wrapping them, I realized that a feeling of Christmas joy had finally crept in. I was singing carols and smiling, as I realized that these people are the family I have chosen for myself at this time of my life. It is with them that I share the joy and trials of homeschooling; it is with them that I find camaraderie and support.
It is with them that I find acceptance, despite all our differences.
This chosen family , then, is the gift I have given myself. My friends in blogland, too, give me that feeling of joy and celebration. And while I won't be getting together with you all to share cookies and cocoa, please know that if I could, I would love nothing more than to have a huge holiday party with all of you and your families. Just the thought has me humming carols!
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5 comments:
It takes me awhile to get in the spirit as well. I've solved the family gift issue with photo calendars this year. They really don't need a thing, yet would be disappointed by a gift to charity.
I am really happy that we do a big family thing for Thanksgiving. It allows us to relax and enjoy the holidays with our closest friends. It's really different from how I grew up, but I like it.
I also wish that there were a magical way to have an afternoon cup of tea, bite of shortbread, and round of carols with my little corner of blogland!
I can't be doing with obligation. Though I am feeling some stress about what people think of the fact that I won't do obligation. But I think everyone is getting it now. My parents do come up to my brothers and have suggested taking everyone out to dinner earlier in the week.
And it is now a tradition to spend Christmas day with our chosen family. We are all looking forward to it.
Have a lovely holiday and do try to rest.
Christmas is a time of obligation for me too. But it's been like that forever, and I take it now as part of the day.
I am so sorry that your mother and grandparents have passed away, this must be a real time of grief for you.
It did take me a bit to get into the holiday spirit for sure. But we did get our tree out the weekend after Thanksgiving.
I am sorry for the loss of your mother and grandparents. This is my first holiday without my Grandma and it's very hard. My family has to figure out how to be now, who knows how long that will take.
Getting together with online friends would be spectacular!
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