Towards an Unencumbered Home...

I am on a bit of a quest. A friend of mine recently got news that she was moving cross-country to Florida. She took a fresh eye to her home and its' possessions, and began donating / selling all the things that she didn't need or love. The transfer fell through, but she admits that she is so thankful that it gave her the push she needed to create a home that is unencumbered by "things." I have visited her home since, and it has a peace and comfort unknown before, simply because all the "stuff" that made it somewhat chaotic is gone.

I have been feeling a real need to get out from under all our stuff as well. The kids, now teens, desparately want to turn part of hte basement into a game room/lounge where they can entertain friends and comfortably have sleep overs. I would love this, as we no longer have a comfortable place for guests to stay. But until I can let go of a LOT of accumulated goods, there is just no room.

I did a little self-analysis, and realized that I have three major issues that I have to overcome. The first problem is that I suffer from crafting ADHD. I pursue a new craft, say knitting, and focus intently on developing it. As soon as I develop the smallest bit of competentcy, I go wild. I don't just buy some fun yarns for one or two projects. I buy enough yarn for two dozen projects, many far beyond my ability level. I somehow convince myself that I need every size needles, totes, and patterns. Then , after a few years and only a quarter of the planned projects completed, my interest fizzles out.

Meanwhile, the boxes and bins of accumulated craft stuff from previous craft infatuations---scrapbooking, stamping, cross-stitch, crocheting, jewelry making, decorative painting, and sewing---sit taking up space. It is time for me to give myself my own craft Ritalin...a reality check. Which of these craft flings truly satisfies me? Which am I merely keeping the makings out of guilt for having overspent?

I have determined that I truly love sewing, although more for crafts and gifts than to make clothing for myself. It relaxes me, and I get great satisfaction from it. Plus, I have this fabulous machine that I haven't even begun to explore (with an embroidery feature.) So, the sewing stuff stays.
Crochet also is a fun occasional diversion, and my hooks take up little space.

But knitting, scrapbooking and all the others just aren't doing it for me anymore. Yet I have so much stuff that I have avoided dealing with the pleasure factor. Scrapbooking especially holds this added guilt, because I was completely into it, creating wonderful books through ten years of memories. Now, I sit with the last 5-6 years of photos, waiting to be placed into lovely layouts.

Sunday night, I decided to attack the yarn. One of my students is an avid knitter, who spends hours knitting caps and scarves for patients in a mission clinic that her mother (a doctor) volunteers at each summer. I gathered up two huge bags full of unwanted yarn. I am so happy to know that by giving it to Meg, it not only brings her joy, but joy to many others as well. I kept one set of each size needles, but got rid of all the extras I had accumulated. I went through pattern books, and kept only those that had projects I loved in them, and donated the rest as well. Then, I gave myself permission to toss UFOs that just weren't working for me. AAAhhhh!

I plan to do that same with the scrapbooking material, and will then just put the photos into old fashioned albums. Maybe one day when the kids are grown, I might decide to scrapbook those years. If that day comes, I can just buy the materials then. No need to clutter up my world! I will follow suit with all the other goodies, until everything crafty will fit INSIDE the craft cabinet, without extra bins and totes all over the place.

The second problem is that I am terribly frugal, so I have tended to accumulate a great deal of gently used items, "just in case." It is really difficult for me to just get rid of our gently used coffee maker just because we won a nicer model in a drawing. But years of this "just in case" mentality has lead to overflowing cabinets and shelving units.

This can be easily remedied. Yesterday, I loaded up the truck and took an overflowing load to the local Battered Women and Children's shelter. Gently used housewares and linens are sorted and given to families starting over , for their new apartments and new lives. Double aaaahhh!

The third issue is that I am unreasonable passionate about collecting certain things. My book collecting has just gotten out of control. I have thousands, literally. While some are beloved favorites, many more I hold on to just because I love to collect books. Yet in a small Cape Cod within fifteen miles of FOUR amazing libraries, I need to address this addiction.

Two weeks ago, I went through one book case and gathered up 150 books that I took to donation. This week, I took another 100. I packed up another 50 of the children's favorites, to store in the attic for their children.
I also donated tons of magazine pertaining to crafting, and gathered up another box of Kids' Discover , Ranger Rick and Birds 7 Blooms for a friend with littles who love to make lapbooks.

I also began boxing up unwanted items for June's curriculum sale, and have another two crates to sell on ebay in lots. All totalled, I have just sorted out 500 or more. And I am not halfway through....triple aaahh!

Now, when I walk in the basement, I am realizing that I am very close to reorganizing the space to creating the kid's gameroom. More than that, I am feeling utterly unencumbered by all these accumulated goods. I have a feeling that the rest of the house will be getting a thorough thinning out this spring, because this feels GREAT!

Unexpected Developments...

We just got news that KingBee will be working out of Virginia for the next month or so. This week will be a bit of a scramble, trying to get everything he needs together and packed by Sunday. As one who works outside in the winter, he has so many layers and weather contingencies to plan for now, without the comfort of coming home at night to throw wet gloves in the dryer,etc.

I am actually welcoming this opportunity for a little change. He will actually be working fewer days each week, and will be traveling home to Pennsylvania on Thursday evenings. We will have an extra weekday together each week...a rare treat. We are hoping to take advantage of this to take some family field trips, something we haven't been able to do much of for years.

Today, I am going to take the kids and get another 1/2 cord of firewood, just in case, and call the chimney cleaner to help us with a clog in the ash shoot. It looks like we will be spending a LOT of time hibernating in front of the fire this winter, with another approaching snow storm tonight.
I might have to dig out the long handled, cast-iron sandwich makers, perfect for winter lunches!

Hooked!

Thanks Sara, for honoring my bloggy little heart by saying you are Hooked on My Blog!
The rules state that I must list 6 Things That Make Me Happy and Five Blogs I’m Hooked On.

1. Thrift Shops- Must be my inherited New England frugality, but I LOVE thrift shopping. I have a few favorites for the quality clothing , and others still for their treasures of milk glass or old furniture crying out to be redone. Thrifting also speaks to my ever-growing desire to care for our earth, for in using hand-offs, I am not feeding into the production machine. Even on the worst days, finding a Coldwater Creek sweater for $4 can make me grin like an idiot!

2. A Crackling Fire- I've mentioned our fireplace a lot on my blog, but I really have a passion for fire in general. Its heat, its flickering, gentle light, and its snaps and pops touch something very primal in my nature. We have a chimera on our patio that we light in the evenings in summer as well.

3. Girl Power- I am forever amazed at the confident girl my daughter has grown into as a young teen. She possesses a truth and wisdom that continually teaches me. She speaks out against peer pressure, and encourages her friends to love themselves. She even encourages me to do the same. I feel constantly blessed that we have hit the teen years and we are now standing side by side, looking outward together.

4. Handmade Treasures- I am a sucker for the handcrafted. Pottery, jewelry, fiber arts, you name it. There is something innately more pleasurable about drinking tea from a mug crafted by a young potter, or decorating the house with a needlepoint made by a dear aunt. I think it must be that in even the smallest handicraft flows creativity, and I love that!

5. Crocs- I know this might seem ridiculous to include here, but I couldn't live without my Crocs. For years, I have suffered with debilitating arthritis across the tops of my feet. It didn't matter how much money I invested in high quality shoes, nothing helped enough to let me stand for more than 4-6 hours at a time without terrible pain. It wasn't a tremendous hindrance, as a homeschooler I could spend most days barefoot!

But after putting on my first pair of Crocs two years ago, I have found the answer to my prayers. I can stay on my feet for 10+ hours and cover miles without the old pain. They are the most beautiful ugly shoe ever!

6. Intellectual Challenge- I live for this. I love ideas, books, and friends that will share ideas that encourage me to step outside my comfort zone and grow. Blogging does this for me in a very profound way, and I know that my friendships here have truly shaped me as much as the great books.

Now the difficult part. I have to pick 5 blogs (only five!?). I read close to forty on a regular basis! The task is eased in that many of my Fab Forty have already be tagged by others. One of the best things about these memes is learning about some special blog that offers tidbits of gold and inspiration that I wasn't aware of before. In that vein...some of my favorite blog buddies...

1. In These Hills- Sarah is a Waldorf inspired mom living in VT. She and her girls are wonderfully crafty, and weave days of inspiration in their hills.

2. Harmony Valley Homeschool- Lisa Anne is one of the most amazing ladies I know. She not only homeschoolers her darling daughter, but runs an organic farm in PA. Her waldorf lessons and garden wisdom keeps me coming back for more!

3. Camp Creek Blog- I stumbled across this blog about a year ago, as it is full of the most fabulous nature study ideas. The writer has shared many ideas and techniques based in Reggio, which until then I had never studied. I have been intrigued and inspired here!

4. Farm School- There is no better source for literature and poetry on the web than Becky's site. Not only that, but she finds a way to also post the most interesting political articles around. I readily admit that my children have developed a love of poetry simply by my sharing her weekly posts! I am forever indebted to her.

5. Twice Bloomed Wisteria-Though she hasn't posted much in the last weeks, Wisteria has always been a favorite of mine. She touches the inner farm girl in me each and every time she shares tales of her life, and usually with the most lovely photos. (I am secretly hoping this will encourage her to come back to blogging more often, as she is sorely missed! )

Happily Hibernating

The last week has made me strongly consider renaming my blog "Mama Bear's Homeschool Cave." As the temperatures continue to hover in the single digits, Honey and I have shifted very comfortably into hibernation mode. We are sleeping later, in warm beds piled high with thick quilts and soft blankets. We've adopted the "uniform of comfort" at home: thick sweats and woolen socks. We've moved from the chilly kitchen to the warm living room for our studies. There is nothing like a crackling fire at your back while you are reading and writing!

HoneyGirl has turned inward and is focusing intensely on her research projects. Our co-op is hosting a huge educational fair at the end of February, and she has decided to enter exhibits in science, geography, and art. This week she has been intently learning about tornadoes. (check out this great lesson plan here if you are interested in them as well! )

While she is busy researching, I have been busy taking care of business. I handily finished the 2008 taxes for the co-op. I worked on lesson plans for some of my co-op classes, to ease up my future schedule as a few crazy weeks are approaching. I've attacked that pile of paperwork at hte end of my desk.

Yet, our hibernation has not been all work. I've been making lovely lunches...homemade soups and panini sandwiches, quiches and such. We've been watching old movies and reading wonderful fiction. I devoured a lovely book Mr. Emerson's Wife, an imaginative tale that I highly recommend.

We've found that as we are not running about to lots of activities like bowling, movies, and lunches, we have new found peace and energy. We have been trying new recipes for dinner each night. Tomorrow, we want to reorganize our craft area and take a significant amount to donation. We are both itching to be creative.

I mentioned to Honey that we have fallen into the rhythm we were forced into last winter when she had mono. She smiled, and added that the illness might have been a blessing in disguise, for she loves hibernating like this in winter. She feels that she can focus better and even relax better when she isn't expending so much energy running about. Then, when spring arrives and welcomes her outdoors, she is free to hike and garden and just lay in the grass if she wants.

The dogs,however, are not welcoming the change. While I enjoy a brisk hike, I do not relish the idea of being drug by 180lbs of dog down ice-covered trails. City walks are just as perilous to their paws, which end up cut and bleeding with imbedded pieces of salt. They've become quickly bored chasing balls in the back yard. Poor pups!

KingBee is out all day in the cold working on construction sites, and loves that he is now coming home to a house with a glowing fire and a rich meal each night. We are spending our evenings together, watching movies, drawing together or playing cards, and it is lovely to not be running out. Buzz is still in teenage hyperdrive, either running around with friends or playing video games when he isn't working. Downtime is not a word that he comprehends!

For now, I am going to embrace the rhythm of the season. Off to bring in more firewood!

Striving for Serenity

This prayer has become the core of my well-being. A few months ago, I was struggling to find a way to juggle all the "hats" that were mine to wear: mother, wife, teacher, daughter, friend, administrator, housekeeper, accountant, employee, volunteer, confidant, writer, aunt and counselor. It felt as if there was not a waking moment that was mine as simply "Angela."

I needed to make changes. This prayer, a family favorite, became my mantra. I posted before about how I was restructuring my time and commitments. I set limits and boundaries quite handily. That was a great start, but the more I meditated on these words, the deeper I understood that I was only acting on the "courage" aspect of the trifecta.

What I needed to do was delve deeper into the areas of wisdom and serenity. I have this inner superhero complex, I suppose, that assumes that if I focus long and work hard I can change anything. And that is all well and good for my own issues.

But when I truly use wisdom to analyze some problems, I realize that I have expended so much energy trying to change things that are NOT mine to change. I can focus on an issue all I want, but I will only frustrate myself and everyone around me if I cannot set limits on responsibility and ownership here as well.

I began looking at every issue in my daily life through the lens of wisdom. The most reoccuring problems continue to revolve around Buzz. I have stepped back a great deal since the big fallout in October, allow him to rise or fall on his own merit. Unfortunately, as he got his semester grades, his GPA accurately represents his work habits...B- overall.

I had a very different reaction than one would expect. I calmly told him that I think he is capable of better, but added that I am confident he can improve his grades next semester by applying himself if he chooses. No shouting, threats or punishments this time. It felt really great to not make his choices my problem.

We are still struggling interpersonally, and often tries to make me the scapegoat. I used to react when he did this, but wisdom reminds me that there is nothing I can say or do to fix his perceptions at this time. He is deeply affected by the emotional damage and neglect from his mother. No amount of commitment or love on my part has been able to fix that hole he has in his soul.

Unfortunately, he has adopted a victim mentality, and is resentful that Honey doesn't have divorced parents. (don't mention the fact that I have raised him as my own since toddlerhood.-) For whatever reason, he needs to throw walls up between us, and constantly turns perceived slights into huge dramas. For example, if Honey ate the last of the Doritos while I was in the room, Buzz would turn it into a major deal claiming I let her because "she is my favorite." It was an exhausting way to go through the days.

I have claimed serenity for our home by deciding to no longer enable this behavior. I offer so much love to him that he is unwilling to accept, but he continues to create problems that aren't there. I now label it as it is, and shut it down. It's not healthy for any of us to let this go on. When we won't engage in it, Buzz either chooses to let it go or just go off and sulk. Either way, we are not allowing negative attitudes to rule the roost.

I've already seen some positive results for the rest of us in doing this. There is a great deal of serenity present that I was allowing to be sapped. The joy isn't as tentative, but a feeling that is permeating our home again.

Courage, wisdom, and serentity...I think I have found my buzz words for the year!

A Day with Vincent, Claude, Henri, and Mary

I spent the most wonderful Saturday at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Buzz's scout troop had scheduled a day trip, and I eagerly volunteered to drive. I love museums in general, but PMA has a special place in my heart. Twenty years ago, I was a student in Philadelphia and spent many a Sunday afternoon there , walking amidst the masters (admission was free that day!)

It was indeed like going home. I had taken the children when they were younger, but it was not as enjoyable as neither had yet developed the maturity to compare works or study them. It was wonderful to now discuss the works together with Buzz, now that he has an appreciation and knows the history of the diferent periods. Buzz's buddies who tagged along with our group were fascinated to get the back story of many of the artists, and before I knew it I was holding an informal Q & A.

I just love seeing these kids curious and passionate about art. They told me with sadness that there is very little of this in their public schools, which is a crying shame. It was so neat to hear them tell Buzz how lucky his is that he gets to take class like art history, and visit museums. As we drove home, it was almost heartbreaking to hear them confess how much they hated school and the politics, the games of russian roulette for scoring the only decent teacher in a subject, and the boredom. They all wished they had been homeschooled, so they could have freedom over their education.

These are bright, fun kids who are not unique. They hunger to learn, to discuss current events and history. But they are being fed a diet of dry textbooks and boring lectures. I could have cried, for them and the thousands of others out there like them, languishing away instead of actively participating in their learning.

I invited them to visit the our local art museum with us later this winter.
Our little Allentown Art Museum really scored big with their upcoming exhibit "The French Impressionists: Monet to Matisse", and the boys seemed as eager to spend a Sunday afternoon amid the masters as they would playing Halo.

I realized that we have finally reached the age when bringing friends along on field trips has more purpose than companionship. It can now be about sharing passions. Have I mentioned how much I love having teenagers?

HoneyGirl and PapaBee were also inspired by the discussion of our trip, and have asked that we plan our next family outing there. Papa has never been the museum type, but is learning to love art vicariously through us. They want to take sketchbooks along, and do as I did decades ago and sit in the Japanese Tea room or Abbey of Saint Laurente and draw. It seems even old dogs can learn new tricks! Yes!

Focus on Health

I am the first to admit that healthy living is one of the areas where I am uncharacteristically lazy. But the last few weeks of introspection have really made it clear to me that this is the WORST place for me to be a procrastinator. Taking care of me needs to be priority one.

I used to blame it on my husband's utter repulsion toward healthy eating, or my lack of interest from the rest of the family, or the lack of funds to join a gym, or a million other things. Well, time has come for me to own that fact that all of those things are just excuses for the mere fact that I am, for whatever reason, sabotaging myself.

As such, I am starting ot take baby steps toward reclaiming a healthy lifestyle. I am going to try to add three things each month, until they become habit, and then move forward with more. My aim is that by the end of the year, I will be back to a lifestyle that resembles healthy living.

1) Have dog, Will travel--I have frequently passed on short hikes because neither of the kids was interested in going along. I have come ot realize that I was using their apathy as an excuse. I have dogs, and they are the most eager walking buddies around. They don't whine about the cold, either. Goal: Three 2-3 mile hikes a week.

2) Green Eating--I am going to satisfy my tastes and desire for healthier eating in meal planning FIRST, instead of bending to the tastebuds of the men in the house. If they want junk, they can both drive themselves to the store to get it, or order out on the nights that I work. But when I am cooking, I am taking back control. And that means LOTS of vegetable based dishes! Hmmmm!

3) Healthy Habits--

Tea drinking- While I still adore my two cups of HOT coffee in the morning, I have added hot tea drinking to my day. I have read too many articles about hte benefits of both black and green tea to simply keep ignoring it. I have, however, decided to use an old-fashioned tea kettle, staying away from the microwave.

Sinus Care--I finally purchased and have begun using a Neti Pot. I admit it felt a bit awkward the first few uses, but I have fallen in love with it. The feeling of the warm water cleansing my sinuses in the morning and relieving sinus pressure is amazing. I had woken with a sore throat the other day, and it only took a cleansing and hot cup of tea for it to completely clear up.

Annual Checkups- I am notoriously lax in this area, but no more. Last week, I went to the eye doctor and found that I indeed needed my Rx tweaked. My new glasses are wonderful, and my vision is crisp again. In the next few weeks, I have scheduled appointments for the dentist and mammogram. Gotta get it done.

I am really feeling good about reclaiming my time for my health. I always put everyone and everything before me, and it is simply foolish. I feel great after a hike, or a healthy meal. I hope that as I continue on this path, the rest of the family will decide to jump on board. But if they don't , I will no longer let their poor choices effect mine.