A new concept--the Birthday Week...

I love making a big deal about birthdays for those around me. I've always enjoyed creating special meals, activities, and theme parties for my kids. I adore shopping for the perfect gift for friends. But I have never felt the same way about my own birthday. Not really being a martyr here; I am just better at giving than receiving.

When we realized that HoneyGirl was going to be at camp over my birthday, I realized that I actually had begun to look forward to the special little things she always did for my day. She has the same desire to celebrate with the ones she loves that I do, and always made it a point to make me breakfast , and pick out my favorite videos or take me to a favorite park. The boys always remember to give me good wishes (eventually), but it just doesn't have the same flavor.


Honey hadn't realized the overlap until the week before camp, and was quite bothered by it. She made me promise to call a friend and at least make a lunch date for the day. Before day before she went to camp, she asked me to drive her to the store to pick up my gift. For years I have wanted a cast iron dutch oven. Honey remembered, and bought me a blue one from Martha Stewart collection.

Then she sat me down and gave me direct instructions to have a birthday week. I was lectured on all I do for everyone else, all the time. She forewarned me of how short the summer is, and that life will be busy again before we know it. And that I need to take as much relaxation time as I can this week. Then, she made me PROMISE that I would do so. (how well she knows me!)

I am so glad I listened to her. On Monday, I had a lovely lunch with my girlfriend Tam at our favorite Mexican restaurant that no one else in my family enjoys. That evening, KingBee and I picked up the new Mazda CX-7, and found out that we got another 1,500 off in unexpected additional rebates. My dear friend Laurel must have secretly sent out an email to the co-op families about my birthday, as I recieved at least twenty email cards full of love and good wishes.

On Tuesday, I met dear Laurel for morning shopping, and I was ready to head home to lesson plan. But another friend called on the way home, and I remembered HoneyGirl's directive. Instead of my usual "I wish I could but I'm too busy," I said "That would be fun!". We had a lovely visit, and she took me out for Chinese buffet. As we sat laughing, I realized that my daughter really has wisdom beyond her years. I need this kind of thing!

On Wednesday, I slept in. I chose to divide my day between relishing "Journey to the Center of the Earth" and organizing the curriculum corner in the basement. I even went to Target and splurges on a new shelving unit and storage totes (that stuff is fun for me, geek that I am!) Buzz was kind enough to help me haul all the unwanted stuff to the car for donation for me.
Yesterday was a lovely mix of reading and laundry...and totally stress free. The bonus came with a special gifty from my adopted little sister, Michele, straight from California.

Now that I am totally into this idea, today will be another relaxing one. Buzz will be away for the weekend, so KingBee is planning a date surprise for tonight . Tomorrow we pick HoneyGirl up early from camp. The week's celebration will end tomorrow evening at my 25th class reunion, which I will attend happily with my best friend of equal years ,and leave the husbands at home!

I definitely have to remember to do something extra nice for my girl on her birthday!

Shatner Reads Palin's Farewell Address

I heard this on Sirius today, and about wet my pants while driving.

For those needing a chuckle...enjoy a deep belly laugh as William Shatner recites Sarah Palin's farewell ramblings on Conan O'Brien. Can anyone really be serious when they say she is the future of the Republican party? Oy veh!

Am I missing something with this Facebook craze?

Months ago, I inadvertantly opened a Facebook account to view online photographs of a teen event the kids had attended. I had no intention of doing anything much with it, after all, I am perfectly happy as a blogger. But each week, I would open my email to more and more "friend" requests. Some were folks I knew from co-op, and some were people I had gone to high school with 25 years ago.

I ignored most of them until a month or so ago, when all the buzz about my 25th Reunion was in the air and I wanted to see who all was attending. A few ladies I know locally kept telling me I "would love it" once I gave it a real go, telling me how addicting it becomes. So, I set out to visit my "Wall" once a day for two weeks, thinking that would be a fair sampling.

I have to admit that I just don't get it. Facebook that is. I do not understand the appeal at all.
I don't even enjoy reading my "Wall" because it is filled with comments about the most unimportant blathering. Why would anyone be drawn to comments like "I'm so bored" "Just fed the cat and now to watch rerun of "Friends" ? Do you really think anyone out there cares which Twilight Vampire you are most like? It was interesting to read the profiles of high school friends to catch up, and even though I would be happy to see them at the reunion, I don't want to have online pillow fights or play Mafia Wars with them.

The thing that really baffles me is the amount of time many of these folks spend posting all this silly stuff. I can't help but think that they must be terribly lonely to need to cast random opinions to the wind in one sentence shots twenty times a day. Call someone up and have them over for iced tea, and have a real converstation!

Maybe I am just way too busy, or maybe that I value quality relationships too much. Maybe I am just a snob after blogging and having such a great sharing of ideas with so many. Possibly, I am a merely an arrogant jerk. No matter...two weeks of daily Facebook has not caused any addiction like symptoms. I liken the experience more to hives-unwanted and annoying.

I suppose I should mention that I was pushed over the edge by a near stalker like experience. My ex-husband found me on Facebook, wanting to see me to give me a book my mother had given me with a personal note inside. I didn't respond, as he has been very creepy about our break-up over 15 years ago...still talking about me to mutual acquaintences. Plus, he was really self-important and not someone I want thinking he can step into my life now.

He, being as crass as ever, took it upon himself to track me down, and showed up unannounced at my door with the book. He never thought general rules applied to him, so I guess this is why he didn't wait for my response. As I looked at this book I got very uncomfortable. Why would he keep a book of poetry "To My Wonderful Daughter" for 15 years and through two moves? We know lots of the same people, and he could have easily handed it on to one of them to give me at any point. I mentioned this as I thanked him curtly, and he seemed to get the point that I was not going to invite him in to visit.

Yeah folks, I am so outta there!

Revisiting Classic Literature

Any quest for relaxation must involve books, at least for me. Yet, when I searched the thinned shelves (after my purging donation of over 1000 books last spring), I was at a bit of a loss. I took a trip to the bookstore, armed with gift cards, and was confounded. While I enjoy contemporary fiction occassaionally, this summers offerings were such typical romantic tales that bore me, and there was nothing new in the historical fiction of interest either. Turning to paperbackswap, I used a few credits to get "March" by Geraldine Brooks, a fictional account of the father's tale in Little Women; and "Hill Country" by Janice Woods Windle, a semi-biographical account of her grandmother's life on the range and political arenas of Texas in the 1900s. I made quick work of both of those.

Then, Buzz got his summer reading assignment of Harper Lee's "To Kill A Mockingbird." I had donated my tattered ex-library copy earlier in the year, and was thankful for an excuse to pick up a nice hardcover for our home. Buzz asked me the general theme, and while I remembered the basics, I realized I had forgotten a great deal since I had first read it when 14-15 yrs old. A pitcher of sun tea and a day in the sun later, I was thrilled that I had decided to revisited this amazing classic to see it through new eyes.

One subtheme that I delight in, yet had totally forgotten, is Lee's utter disdain for the establishment of public education. She illustrates how Scout is reprimanded by her teacher in first grade for having the audacity to already know how to read and write with such biting humor that I sat laughing as I read. "All the smartest people I know where taught at home; I just don't understand why I need to be shipped off to school ?" is the repeated question of the youngest Finch child. I find it interesting that Lee was able to see the flaws and hypocrisy of the system long before standardized tests and "No Child Left Behind."

Another subtheme I surely missed as a youth, but relish as a parent, is the strong conviction with which the Finch children were raised. Sure, they spent their days running about with freedom and little supervision, yet there was such a definite sense of right and wrong. This is illustrated so directly when Jem looses his temper on his cantankerous neighbor's flower bed. He was certainly antagonized, yet still his father made him endure hours of unpleasant retribution reading to this woman. What a lesson in character training!!

Most importantly, I had forgotten the poignancy in Lee's tale. A good man of the wrong color is falsely accused and convicted of a crime in the South. The theme is pretty common of that period, yet Lee creates such deep and contradictory characters that cause the reader to really feel the injustice. I am definitely adding this to Honey's reading list as well...what great discussions to be had in analyzing it!

Next, I am revisiting Jules Verne "Journey to the Center of the Earth."

Training Diligence and Character

I've had many thoughts rumbling about in my head about training diligence and character in homeschooling for a while. I've touched on it in the past, but had never quite been able to explain my thinking on the subject clearly without major criticism. But as my second child is entering high school and is asking pointed questions about my philosophy in an effort to understand, I realized it was time to revisit a full analysis.

Sarah commented with a bit of surprise about Buzz's scholarship, as she had the perception that he was a rather poor student. I have to say that he absolutely is, if left to his own devices. However, he also possesses a brilliant mind and endearing presence. As such, I pushed, pleaded, and pulled him, sometimes kicking and screaming, toward a high set standard that matched his ability.

I recognized this brilliant and capable mind early on. I also recognized a personality solely geared toward the seeking of fun and attention. My son was indeed a natural clown; a child who would rather make others laugh with fart jokes than apply himself in any way. I'm not going to go down the road of psychological analysis here; suffice it to say that there were definite contributing factors to this constant need for approval and attention.

Early on, I also was introduced to the teachings of Charlotte Mason. I loved her theories focus of the younger years on nature, critical thinking, narration, and the habit training. I saw first hand how well this all worked for both my children, who possessed diametrically opposed personalities. I learned to look at both children's unique gifts and ilks and designed a course of study to suit them. Our home was always filled with lots of joy and fun, but the children were raised with a level of personal responsibility and respect for academic pursuits.

Buzz continued to impress with his mental abilities, but started to develop into a bit of an arrogant pratt as he realized that he was a good deal brighter than most of his peers. It was around twelve that he began his marked campaign of intense pleasure seeking pared with a lessened academic goal of mediocrity. He no longer care if an assignment was "good," as long as it was "done." In his mind, "done" was good enough because it meant that he could be off playing more quickly.

Of course, I always stopped him, and made him redo the work until it hit the standard of "good." Over the years, his skills increased and he was able to produce "good" with ease. So I raised the bar from "good" to "excellent." He did show an incredible amound of bull-headedness, consistently falling to his comfort level of mediocrity and repeatedly being brought to task to rework his efforts. Usually, with the added benefit of a lecture.

I suppose then, that to many I would be considered an unbending hard-ass who never considered his nature. Some would say that I chose to have such a stressful relationship with him by continuing to push him toward a higher standard than he would set for himself.
I have spent many an hour contemplating how much easier my life would be if I just had given in to his lazy tendencies, and accepted his half-hearted efforts as adequate.

Yet, the idea of wasting that brilliant mind would have haunted me forever. More than that, my duty as a parent is to raise my children into caring and productive adults, who exhibit both diligence and character. Would we have had a more peaceful household if I had let him coast through his teen years putting forth no real effort? Absolutely. Would this have shaped his character into a better and stronger adult? I highly doubt it.

When I used to work with troubled youth, I always found that self-esteem was developed best if the child had something to be proud of that required their full effort. Don't you remember that feeling yourself? Kids know that difference of stepping up to a challenge, putting themselves completely out there. It's a scary place to give something your all, because you could be found wanting. If you hold back and never try, you can always convince yourself otherwise.

My mantra then has always been that I always expected my children to work at a level that challenged them to grow. I didn't make unrealistic requests to stress them out, but I wanted them to develop within themselves a confidence that comes from repeated effort and success. A standard of quality is a necessary goal. Deadlines, too, are to be respected. These are necessary for success in the adult world as well, and need to be practiced and trained along the way.

In applying this philosophy, I held my kids to both standards and deadlines that were appropriate to their abilities. Honey early on realized and often reminded him that it would be far wiser to try to do it right the first time, but Buzz never seemed to make the wise or easy choice when it came to academics and me. His reluctance to apply himself initially often made a simple task take five times as long. This was utterly illogical, because he himself was keeping himself from fun activities through his stubbornness.

Some have criticized me over the years for setting too high a bar or of being inconsiderate of his natural tendencies toward procrastination and mediocrity. Some have said that by valuing diligence so much, I sacrificed a harmonious relationship. The will agree with the latter wholeheartedly. Even still, I don't believe that I had any other choice if my goal was indeed forming his character. Children, even teenagers, are not wise enough to always see the prize at the end.

Buzz has been transformed. He finally is able to see the tangible proof of all my theories that he balked at over the years. Up until that letter came, he still held firmly that it wasn't all that important to strive for top grades when you can just cruise by in the middle. The feeling of pride he has now is nothing like he has ever experienced before, and he is relishing it.

At the same time, he has realized that if he had been left to his own devices alone, it never would have happened. The purpose of my methods are suddenly clear...so that he could be his best. Now, it is up to him to continue making good choices and keep his eye on the prize. My work is done.

***sorry if this sounds snotty...but it is a response to a family member who is criticizing our homeschooling and parenting this week.

Amazing News!

Buzz got the letter yesterday that he was accepted into the Honor Scholarship program at college this fall! He will have his schedule reworked, so that he will be in a track with all the other honors liberal arts freshman in special classes with faculty and advisors that work closely with the group. THe thought is to encourage the best and brightest to form a solid social and academic bond. He has already gotten a summer reading assignment and invitation to a meet & greet picnic in three weeks.

This letter, and the joy it brought, suddenly transformed Buzz from sullen and resentful to appreciative and thoughtful. I was eager to celebrate his success, replete with hugs and high fives. He asked that I please request off work so I am able to attend with him, because he wants the professors to meet me. (You're the one who made sure I had a great classical education filled with the great books and forced Latin!) He discussed his new classes, which only change sections other than replacing psychology with philosphy. He is suddenly looking at college with new eyes.

I am thrilled, for this is an ideal peer group , complete with faculty taking a special interest. His social life will also have an academic aspect to it, with study sessions and community service projects. Plus, he needs to maintain a 3.0 to continue earning scholarship--a huge incentive to apply himself. Already he is mentioning the possiblity of not transferring out after his first year but rather working through with his team, and he hasn't even met them!

Somehow I believe his last four weeks of summer has taken on a new light! Good for him!

Our New Addition...and some updates

I finally did it! After weeks of research and test drives, we signed the paperwork yesterday for a Mazda CX-7 , albeit in black. It was so worth taking the time to make such a commitment, and I am certain I will be really happy with it. Even better, I am trading in my gas-hog Lincoln Navigator for this on the Cash for Clunkers program, and am improving 10 energy points with this vehicle! The best part is realizing that I once again have an incredibly reliable vehicle, and that means lots of ROAD TRIPS!

We've still been working hard to make fun our focus. I realize that this summer, it has been harder than ever. Honey is healed from her wisdom teeth, and is no longer suffering from the extreme vertigo that was keeping her housebound. We have been making good use of our season passes to Dorney Park, even if I just sit and sunbath while Honey runs about the waterpark with her girlfriends. We enjoyed the new Harry Potter movie, and then she had a sleepover with her soon-to-be relocated best friend. We've been staying up late quite a bit together, watching old movies or playing board games. It has been so good for us.

We're still managing to mix fun into our learning as well. Our astronomy unit has been quite interesting so far, and by supplementing the book learning with wonderful DVDs, we're getting a well rounded introduction. Last night, we went to a local "Star Party" with amateur astronomy club and saw a NASA presentation on Kepler project, which is searching for earth-like planets around sun-like stars. The presenter was a physics and astronomy professor from a local college, and has such an approachable style.

Haven't been mentioning Buzz much, as he and I are still struggling to have a positive relationship. He is so angry and resentful with me for the littlest things. It's very hard to come to terms with the unfortunate reality that is our relationship. This summer has been a great exercise in pulling my emotions back from the problem to see it more objectively. He is just at that point of balking maturity/responsibility that the most innocent of comments ("If you have laundry to do, please get it done today because I am washing curtains all day tomorrow") will be twisted in his mind as me nagging and criticizing him. It's difficult, but it is his hang-up.

I've also realized that a great deal of my added work/ stress will not be mine next year: Buzz's never-ending insurance issues from the accident, college financial issues with his mother, scholarship applications. It was just this week when one of my friends mentioned that Buzz isn't working and could/ should be doing a lot of this himself with minimal help from me. I realized that I was doing it because he ignored it all, choosing instead to play video games all day and text until his thumbs fall off. Another line I must draw, it seems, is to let him sink or swim on that end as well.

The good news on that end is that King Bee and I have gotten to a great place about the issues with Buzz. We are not fighting about him any longer, as he is seeing that our problems are not truly mine. Like many a teenager before him, Buzz is displacing , projecting, and diverting away from the real issue: personal responsibility. While I was his teacher, it was impossible for me to just step out of the line of fire, so to speak, as I was responsible to keep him on track and educate him. In a way, I have come to realize that my constant reminders became a sort of safety net for him even if he resented me for it.

Now that I am not his teacher, we realized as parents that we needed to work together to help Buzz grow. King Bee and Buzz have a great respectful relationship, and as such, he has taken on the task of guiding him to be a responsible man. As I've stepped away from the discipline end, King Bee has realized that Buzz cannot seem to take ownership for much of anything without scapegoating me, big or small (I couldn't focus on that essay because Mom is so hard on me and I felt defeated" to"I would have taken out the garbage, but Mom asked to borrow my GPS and I forgot") . The pattern is glaring and illogical, and having Dad point that out has a much greater effect than all the times I've challenged him to "own it."

This change has been very healthy for our marriage. It's been quite beneficial to our home life, as I have stopped having the same arguments with Buzz. And while he may not agree now, I believe it is going to be incredibly helpful for Buzz as he mentally prepares for college this fall. He is realizing that he needs to be totally responsible for his academics, his schedule, and his choices. This is a very good thing.