Our New Addition...and some updates

I finally did it! After weeks of research and test drives, we signed the paperwork yesterday for a Mazda CX-7 , albeit in black. It was so worth taking the time to make such a commitment, and I am certain I will be really happy with it. Even better, I am trading in my gas-hog Lincoln Navigator for this on the Cash for Clunkers program, and am improving 10 energy points with this vehicle! The best part is realizing that I once again have an incredibly reliable vehicle, and that means lots of ROAD TRIPS!

We've still been working hard to make fun our focus. I realize that this summer, it has been harder than ever. Honey is healed from her wisdom teeth, and is no longer suffering from the extreme vertigo that was keeping her housebound. We have been making good use of our season passes to Dorney Park, even if I just sit and sunbath while Honey runs about the waterpark with her girlfriends. We enjoyed the new Harry Potter movie, and then she had a sleepover with her soon-to-be relocated best friend. We've been staying up late quite a bit together, watching old movies or playing board games. It has been so good for us.

We're still managing to mix fun into our learning as well. Our astronomy unit has been quite interesting so far, and by supplementing the book learning with wonderful DVDs, we're getting a well rounded introduction. Last night, we went to a local "Star Party" with amateur astronomy club and saw a NASA presentation on Kepler project, which is searching for earth-like planets around sun-like stars. The presenter was a physics and astronomy professor from a local college, and has such an approachable style.

Haven't been mentioning Buzz much, as he and I are still struggling to have a positive relationship. He is so angry and resentful with me for the littlest things. It's very hard to come to terms with the unfortunate reality that is our relationship. This summer has been a great exercise in pulling my emotions back from the problem to see it more objectively. He is just at that point of balking maturity/responsibility that the most innocent of comments ("If you have laundry to do, please get it done today because I am washing curtains all day tomorrow") will be twisted in his mind as me nagging and criticizing him. It's difficult, but it is his hang-up.

I've also realized that a great deal of my added work/ stress will not be mine next year: Buzz's never-ending insurance issues from the accident, college financial issues with his mother, scholarship applications. It was just this week when one of my friends mentioned that Buzz isn't working and could/ should be doing a lot of this himself with minimal help from me. I realized that I was doing it because he ignored it all, choosing instead to play video games all day and text until his thumbs fall off. Another line I must draw, it seems, is to let him sink or swim on that end as well.

The good news on that end is that King Bee and I have gotten to a great place about the issues with Buzz. We are not fighting about him any longer, as he is seeing that our problems are not truly mine. Like many a teenager before him, Buzz is displacing , projecting, and diverting away from the real issue: personal responsibility. While I was his teacher, it was impossible for me to just step out of the line of fire, so to speak, as I was responsible to keep him on track and educate him. In a way, I have come to realize that my constant reminders became a sort of safety net for him even if he resented me for it.

Now that I am not his teacher, we realized as parents that we needed to work together to help Buzz grow. King Bee and Buzz have a great respectful relationship, and as such, he has taken on the task of guiding him to be a responsible man. As I've stepped away from the discipline end, King Bee has realized that Buzz cannot seem to take ownership for much of anything without scapegoating me, big or small (I couldn't focus on that essay because Mom is so hard on me and I felt defeated" to"I would have taken out the garbage, but Mom asked to borrow my GPS and I forgot") . The pattern is glaring and illogical, and having Dad point that out has a much greater effect than all the times I've challenged him to "own it."

This change has been very healthy for our marriage. It's been quite beneficial to our home life, as I have stopped having the same arguments with Buzz. And while he may not agree now, I believe it is going to be incredibly helpful for Buzz as he mentally prepares for college this fall. He is realizing that he needs to be totally responsible for his academics, his schedule, and his choices. This is a very good thing.